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| Details |
| Author: | Luridel |
| Summary: | Theris explains his experience of the Eternal Hunger more precisely to his friend Melancholy. He is also coming to Pandaria. Contains Death Knight. ~700 words. |
| Rating: | T for Teen |
Dear Melancholy,
I am coming to Pandaria. I have begun to make the arrangements.
If you will forgive me the somewhat graphic elaboration here, I feel like it is necessary to be clear. I don't know if I could possibly say this in person, but if you read this in my absence, it seems more fair, somehow.
I can be around you when you are in pain. It is in fact beneficial for me to be around you when you are in pain, most of the time. Unless I am starving to the point where I fail to recognize you, I will never physically harm you. Your pain is beautiful and nourishing. It's this rich honey color - much the same shade as your eyes, now that I think of it. (I don't believe all death knights experience pain in colors; I have heard it described as a taste or a scent before by others.)
I was not a sadist in life. The fact that I have become something of one in death is not something that I would ever have wished for. I have retained enough of myself to be fully of two minds about it. The Death Knight in me needs pain like water, no matter the source. And I, Theris, do not want my friend Melancholy to suffer.
This does not mean that you cannot be in pain. You deserve to feel the full scope of your feelings without feeling obligated to put on a smile. It is never your responsibility to keep from tempting the monster–it is my responsibility to resist temptation, and as long as I know who you are, I can (and have, and will).
The difficulty, such as it is, lies in your comfort with the fact that I am listening to twin voices: I wish to be of comfort to you as your friend, to listen and perhaps help the pain grow lighter for the telling of it. The Death Knight wants to make things worse, to ask pointed questions that will urge you to share more than you might otherwise feel comfortable with telling me on your own, to say cruel things that I do not mean in the slightest. This is the battle of my existence, and it is eternal, and I, Theris, have been winning over the urges of the Death Knight ever since I forged my runeblades.
I am a shameful, wretched creature, a self-aware monster. There is no such thing as an ethical death knight, only me, clutching at the reins of my willpower with an iron grip, striving to be something better than what I was made into.
Here is the best I can offer: I will not pry beyond an initial question. If you tell me you do not wish to speak of something, I will drop the subject until you bring it up again. I will listen to anything you choose to tell me with interest, as always. If your preference is to do so via letters, either all the time or now and then, I will accept that. But I am coming to Pandaria.
Thank you for telling me about Alice. I won't say a word to my mother, but I think it might actually ease her heart to hear the truth from you one day, if you are ever ready to tell her. She assumes that something happened to you in the library that she missed, and that it must have been an ongoing problem, like harassment from a patron, that she failed to catch.
I had been concerned, initially, when you told me you'd become a warlock of all things. It makes sense now. I hope you continue to be the master of your fate, and wield the fel without letting it wield you. I am certain you will master swimming as well in time. You can have all the tattoos you would like.
Perhaps I will have the opportunity to encounter this Jow Jin (spelling uncertain). I appreciate the description of his capabilities; I will not underestimate him nor face him recklessly. I also look forward to meeting your friend who deserves four rapturous poems written by Walt Whitman about his swimming. (I will not tell him you said that.)
If I were being Melancholy, I would say that "Inner Life" by Cameron Awkward-Rich is my favorite poem right now.
Sincerely,
Theris
[ On a second page, Theris has copied down the poem in question with the lovely and even handwriting of a trained scribe. ]
Poem mentioned: Cameron Awkward-Rich, "Inner Life".