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| Details |
| Author: | Athena |
| Summary: | Oranna gets through the third anniversary of when news came that Bargrimm was gone, a rough year as the scales of Gone outweigh the time Had, comforted by Befound and the newest addition to Oranna's support system, Thalstan. 4k words. Grief and Personal Plot RP. |
| Rating: | T for Teen |
Chain: Orastan
January 11th isn't really an unusual or special day across Azeroth. This year, it isn't even a Tuesday, which is only significant among the paranoid and superstitious who believe that those days hold some possible meaning for certain disasters. But for one particular dwarf, the day is an anniversary, a slow, quiet sad day, not of when something happened, but of when a letter arrived with knowledge, and altered a story irrevocably.
But, from the outside, the Stormbreaker house in Ironforge doesn't look like anything much on this particular day. The modest holiday decorations are gone, and there's nothing unusual or different on the door. The light is on, and the blinds are drawn, but that's usual — Oranna's not much one for the open view on the regular, not when she has the option for privacy, and especially not on a day like today.
Though it is a sad day, it is not one without visitors. Or at least, definitely one visitor — Thalstan Stouthammer — who arrives in the mid-afternoon carrying a small basket of comfort food. He's dressed in his usual casual Ironforge clothing, nothing done especially to dress up the day. Some things can't be dressed up. At the door, he pauses only briefly for a moment of uncertainty. Then he knocks, with a slow, unhurried tempo.
There's a sound within after a few moments. It doesn't sound like Oranna so much as something large pressing up against the door, and then hitting it with two big paws and yowling.
But after a bit longer, there's a faint audible voice of Oranna in Common. "Lass, get off the door — what, oh. Oh. That was the — " And then there's Oranna answering the door hurriedly, pulling it open, and an annoyed snow leopard mrrp.
Some things can't be dressed up — and Oranna is most definitely not one of them. She's still in her nightgown, with no attempt at all to get dressed for the day, and her hair was left in the same braid she slept in it with. She's already been crying, and it shows, with red eyes, red nose, and splotchy cheeks. She tucks some hair behind an ear, and smiles weakly.
"Hi," she says, switching to Dwarven, and moving deeper into the house, half behind the door, inviting him in. "Sorry, I didn't — I wasn't sure that I heard the door. I was downstairs."
"It's no problem," Thalstan says, his gaze warm and sad as he follows into the house. "I'd have waited for as long as you needed, and it was only a few moments. I brought some things — savory pies and some other little things my ma did up. It's enough for today and tomorrow too, all things that'll keep. Just so… one less thing to worry about, and a reminder that you're cared for."
Oranna's stomach growls loudly and aggressively enough that she glances at Befound.
Hey, don't look at her. For once, the cat is not the one who needs to be fed. Wait, no, that's a lie. Feed her, too. She has also never been fed, Oranna. Not once in her entire life. (This is untrue.)
Oranna's face wobbles at the words, and she leaves the door to instead go straight into Thalstan's arms, do not pass Go, do not collect savory pies, just Thalstan for now. She exhales a long, shaky sigh of relief that makes her heavier, as she leans against him.
If no one else is going to shut the door, Befound is going to. What if another cat gets in and asks for more food and Befound gets less food, like that one new male. Sus. The door shuts with a thunk.
And Oranna startles.
Thalstan wraps his arms around her protectively, the basket safely behind her back, and just holds her. He gives the sense that he could stand like this forever — the basket isn't that heavy — he can be a comfort as sure and steady as the stone of Ironforge itself. He rests his cheek on her head, and strokes her back gently with his free hand.
When the door shuts, and she startles, he loosens his arms around her, turning back to see who has come in and — relaxes when he realizes it was just the cat. So many horror stories start that way, but in this case it really is just the cat. He smiles a little then, and says, "Befound's looking out for you."
Oranna relaxes again with a heavy sigh. "Ach, that had a real horror story moment," she mutters into his chest, and then squeezes her hands on his shirt. "I'm so glad you're here. The house was doing it again. It was all — it was sounding all empty, like it was on that day again, and I didn't know how to…last year it was like this, too, but I — it was just so…" She takes a breath that sounds relieved. "But it's stopped. You're here, and it's stopped."
Thalstan looks down at her gently, still holding her safe. He might not know what it was like, not exactly, and he might not really know what will help. Still, from the tenderness of his gaze, he's willing to try whatever he can.
"I'm here," he confirms. "And we can make it as loud as you like. You and me and Befound. I've nowhere I need to be, or want to be, but here, for as long as you need."
Befound pads silently behind him, sneaky as a ghost.
Oranna's stomach is in on this plan! It makes another loud, uncomfortable sounding gurgle. "Urgh. I should — I haven't eaten. I can smell the…food, and if my stomach gets any louder, we're probably going to have to name it and register it as another pet," Oranna mutters. She still hasn't made any move to actually step out of Thalstan's arms. How she's going to get to the table or eating is a mystery.
"We should probably get you fed, then," Thalstan says, though he doesn't make any move to let go of her. He ponders the mystery of how do that for a long moment, and then says, "You could sit in my lap? Or I could sit next to you."
It takes her a second to figure out. "In your — oh. Because I wouldn't have to let go," she says, and she laughs a little, a quiet, awkward thing, but a laugh at least. "I should… do that. I have to face the food one way or another anyway." Reluctantly, she lets go, though she keeps her left hand on his chest, to keep something still, and talks to it, not quite raising her head. "It's just been that sort of day. I know better than to let myself get so stuck though. It doesn't help to — I should do things. It's the temptation to stop moving and wait for things to settle, and Befound keeps me getting up at least, but I still have to… get myself to the table, too."
She offers another weak smile and looks up at him. "But I'd like to sit next to you."
"I'd like that too," Thalstan says, letting her go. "Let's see that, and then we can do things, or we can sit still, so long as we're together. We can talk about the things you remember, or we can go out and watch the fountain and let the time pass. There's no wrong choice, aye? I'm with you for any of it."
Oranna instinctually winces at the idea of going out by the fountain and shakes her head quickly. "I — it's the — if the fountain was private, that'd maybe be nice, but… the idea of sitting out where a lot of people would be walking by, seeing… and wondering what's wrong, or some people maybe stopping by repeatedly asking, meaning well, that'd be…" She shakes her head again. "I don't want to be around anyone." Wait, no, that sounds bad. "Else. Anyone else. You don't count as a someone else."
Befound half opens a cupboard and lets it bang closed. She always counts.
"Or ye, ye dinna count either," Oranna allows, with a brief flinch at the sound. Don't mind her house, it's cat-haunted.
"No other people," Thalstan says in firm agreement, as he gently guides her over to her table. "I was only thinking, if there was a thing we could watch, to occupy the mind. If I were a mage, and I could make you a little personal illusory fountain, I'd do it, but I don't have those skills. All I've got for this sort of thing is myself and my words, and you can have any of those that you'd like."
He sets down the basket, and then turns his attention fully to Oranna again, with a patient focus. He's not waiting for her to say what she needs, exactly, no expectation that demanding. It's more a faithful attentiveness, ready to respond to any request, verbal or non-verbal.
Oranna seems grateful to be steered, arriving at the table with a plop, and then ungracefully scooching her chair even closer to Thalstan's, and dropping sideways onto his arm.
"Those are more than enough for me, and all I really need," Oranna says with a simple truthfulness. Her stomach growls again. Pointedly. She laughs self-consciously, and tucks some hair behind her ear. "All right, all right, and the food you bring, too."
"Aye, I suppose I offer the Thirsty Dragon, too," Thalstan says, his expression softening with a smile. Keeping his shoulder in touch with hers, he begins to set everything out, all things Oranna has seemed to enjoy before, nothing new this time. Today is a day for comfort, not adventure. "Do you want to talk about it? If not, that's fine. I'm always here to listen, but if you'd rather focus on other things, I can do that, too."
Oranna smiles at the food, a soft little thing, made sad by the weight of the day, but not unhappy by the moment. "I don't think I could focus on something else. It's too big, and I'm not sure I'd even want to make it smaller. It's everywhere in the day, and I think even trying to push it away would feel even worse, because it's…" She takes a deep breath for a heavy sigh. "This is the real big one. Last year it was… it was almost even. Two years against two years. But this year it's full weighted against… this year marks the time where he's been gone longer than I had him. And I — I worry about forgetting. About pushing away and focusing so much on other things that he just disappears entirely, a ghost I stop seeing. Like those two years didn't matter enough."
"I don't think a person's importance can be measured in time," Thalstan says gently, curling an arm around her shoulder. "Whether you had each other for two years or for a hundred. And memory… aye, it fades. But he'll never disappear, I don't think he could. I'm sorry I never knew him, but I can help carry any memory you want to share with me."
Oranna concedes a minor surrender to the reality of hunger, taking several bites, and letting that settle before she starts.
"We met on March 16th, Year 25. I'd come down to Westfall to talk to Elo. We were dealing with the Defias back then, still working on figuring out what was going on, and I'd come down to see how he was doing, and how the barracks were coming along, and I had to fish for Befound anyway, so I thought I'd offer an outing to Elo for a break and chat. And there was a dwarf, a Wildhammer, down from Aerie Peak, on account of Niris, an old friend."
She takes a drink of water. "She called him 'Long Barrel.' An old nickname of another time, from when he was of another Company. Fox Company. They knew each other at Northshire, back in the First War. That's when Bargrimm lost his left leg, to the orcs, just below the knee. Elo talked about it, and the way humans have these centers of Light worship places, which sounded strange to me at the time. I wasn't — you know. Well traveled." She glances away to the right for a moment.
"And we talked about lots of things. Elo taught me about a lot of things back then that I didn't know, like the Plague of Lordaeron and the Greymane Wall, and Bargrimm was a steady sort of dwarven note. Surprised, I think, by how little I seemed to know, but not in unkind way. Once he realized I didn't know things, he went out of his way to add more context, or explain things a human might not think to.
"And after Elo had to head off to sleep, we talked a bit about how it felt to… have to heave back up after a spell sitting. He'd had to rebuild himself after the First War. Literally, in his case, with his leg, but also a bit… mentally, and I could tell there was a familiarity there. It was… nice, in a strange way, to meet someone who was like me, who was also not like me."
"Somebody who'd faced his own share of troubles," Thalstan says with a quiet nod, keeping his arm around her. "Even if those troubles are different from your own. And it was good you had a dwarf there, too — Lord Ference is the best sort of person, but there's things a human wouldn't think to clarify, that a dwarf would. I'm glad you had them both back then, when you were… heaving yourself back up as well."
Befound chooses this moment to add herself to the pile, setting her head heavily on Oranna's lap. That's right, Oranna was lucky she had all three of them, for the things that a snow leopard could help clarify, like when to feed the cat, and when to brush the cat, and other extremely important nuances.
Oranna huffs a weak laugh, and sets a hand down on Befound's head in a pat. It sends the snow leopard into a bone jarring rumble of a purr.
"I did," Oranna agrees. "Bargrimm's why I sought out Elo for the Three Prongs. It wasn't — it wasn't called that, originally, and I didn't know he had or anything. Elo was just the person that I knew to go to for help who I thought could, from what he knew and how he'd made it himself, and his methods. It started with Bargrimm, and it was a bit of — a fumble, to be honest.
"I'd been looking into something with a person in the Company who wasn't who she said she was, not all the way through. I'd gotten a strange sort of sense about her from the start, and it would turn out to be right, that she was lying, although not about everything, and I'd been talking to Bargrimm about the investigation. He was trying to encourage me with it, but it came out a bit… I heard things in it, because I was…" Oranna sighs, and shakes her head, leaning against Thalstan. "They were things I already believed, so I saw them even when they weren't there. Like seeing a trail because you want it to be there.
"And it got worse, because he could also see that I was tying myself up in knots, and hurting, and he did have that tinkerer's urge to fix it. And I could see that, too. So I thought, that was all it was. He'd been trying to fix a broken thing. And I couldn't see past that. I couldn't see how it could be more than one thing, that he could care, and still have that sort of feeling, that it wasn't a single sort of thinking."
She smiles, a little pained. "That was the first time though, as I was leaving, that he called me a sunbeam, of sorts. 'Just remember, Oranna. You're not a cost or burden to anyone that knows you. You're a beam of light into a dark mineshaft we're all trying to scramble out of, and the rest of us just want a chance to be the same to you, understand?'
"I walked out though, still mostly sure of myself. But, then I… we were sleeping in pairs, because of the Defias, and I was with Cress, and I. I couldn't sleep. Because of the… I could hear her breathing and it was like the Siege all over again, and I knew that I wasn't… done. Healing. If I couldn't bear that sort of thing. I went out fishing in the middle of the night, and out of pure chance, there was Bargrimm. That was the third time we'd met, fishing, like that. Out of nothing but coincidence," Oranna says, because she doesn't know about narrative.
"And we talked, and I understood better that it wasn't just a tinkerer's need to fix a thing. We'd come from similar places. He'd been the black sheep of his own family, a line of smiths and gryphon riders, and he wasn't anything like them. He'd been rejected and then he'd made a mistake, burned down a huge part of a mountain, and been cast out, thrown out," she says, and there's a rise of anger that fades back down slowly. "He wasn't… broken like me, but he'd been damaged, and he'd managed to find his way back up and out. He'd had a lot more time than I had, obviously, in his mid-two-hundreds." Oh, yes, his what-nows.
"And that was the moment that did it. The next day, I went to see Elo. I wanted to get better."
Thalstan nods, following along with the story. There are details he doesn't know in places, but he doesn't interrupt. He remains a comforting presence at her shoulder, bracketing her in care with the purring Befound. He nods occasionally, to encourage her to continue.
At this pause, he says, "You are that, still now. Despite everything, you shine — I think it's a part of who you are. And you can certainly care deeply for a person and also want to help them. In fact, the two are often connected. So you'd connected up then first as friends, it sounds? Meeting one time after another, learning more about the things that weighed each of you down. And… it made you want to heal. I'm glad of that, I'm glad it helped you out of that dark mineshaft."
He pauses, and adds, "I suppose… the situation with the person, and the Defias, it all came out alright? That was before my time. I read some of the reports, but mostly just knew Cobalt was the one that saw to the end of Van Cleef. And then later, to his daughter's operation. You were in that, aye? As one of the originals?"
Oranna nods. "Aye. Sounds strange sometimes to say, but only because I — we didn't really, back then, I think, really think about the Company becoming a large thing of so many people that we'd be making that kind of distinction… Originals to ehh… Laters? Or… Afters… There's — I can't think of any word that doesn't sound sort of…" She trails off awkwardly, with a little sound like a squeaky wheel coming to a stop.
"Like an afterthought, aye," Thalstan nods thoughtfully. "And it's been enough years we're not quite Newcomers. Maybe all of us who joined in after the Company got larger don't need a name at all, as we've all joined in different situations and at different times. But I think the Originals is a good distinction to make, to realize you were in the group from the very start, and saw it grow into what it is today. It must've been quite different back then, fighting gnolls and bandits."
Oranna chews on that figuratively and literally for a little bit. "A little, I guess. The… scope of it, maybe. But I think… you probably saw the same thing, starting with Cobalt Blade? It was — that was the same idea really, in a lot of ways, as the beginning of the Company. It was about the army though, when we got it going. It was the way everything was so far away, and people needing help, and who were you supposed to ask for something so small? Except it wasn't — it wasn't ever really small to anyone. When it's your farm, and your pig, and your person… it's always so big. That's your whole world."
Thalstan nods in thought. "Aye, I can see that. And the Blade was started for the same reason, to show that Cobalt was close to the people while the big efforts were far away. But if we're all people helping others, then all our work is important, whether it's fighting mantid at the wall or saving a pig from wolves. What matters is the people we help."
Oranna turns up a smile at that. "That's it exactly. And it's… that's why I don't think it'll ever really change. The Company or — or me, really, for what I'm doing in it, no matter how big or small or it gets, because at the end of it all, I know that I'm helping people, and… all of us, every one of us come home, just like everyone does. Dane goes back to Ivri and his babies and his forge and hearth, and it's no different for someone we don't know the name of who was just a face in a crowd for us. Elo and Niris putter in their kitchen and make their stories, and anchor a whole world around, and Jo's just Jo, even with a Company all in her hands, same as any person we pass by.
"Every person who ever had a statue made of them had all the same feelings and thoughts, and laid down their head on a pillow at the end of a day, and wanted to know that the people they cared about were safe and well, same as any person whose name will never go in any book or any great list, who all they ever did was one thing, and never went anywhere beyond the place they were born.
"It's all important, and…" Oranna breathes out a shaking breath, bracing herself against his arm more. "It hurts as much for anyone to lose that, no matter how heroic or big you get. You still come home, and you want to know what you love is safe and good, and you hurt when it's not, and you hope that when it isn't, someone will do something about it." She turns tear filled eyes up at Thalstan. "And today, you're my someone."
"I wish there was more that I could do," Thalstan says, his arm around her tightening protectively. "I wish I could truly soothe that hurt, and I know I can't. Some things can't be taken back or made better, and the hurt will still be there, to be endured and never be magically healed. But I'll give you what I have, which is to be here with you in it, and to hold you, and to tell you you're cared for. You never have to pretend not to hurt, Oranna, not when we're together. On the good days and on the bad, I'm here to be your someone."
Befound puts an enormous paw over Oranna's foot. And her, too. She's here to be Oranna's cat. You're welcome.