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| Details |
| Author: | Alli |
| Summary: | Cerethan, Glyphe, Kalhidai, Lihua, Natlee, and Slicket help out a sort-of chef of the goblin variety, in their continuing mission to win over the Steamwheedle. The goblins certainly have some… innovative ideas. ~5200 words |
| Rating: | T for Teen |
Arc: Kalimdor Newbies
The team is gathering in Gadgetzan. Glyphe and Natlee are the first to arrive.
Glyphe goggles at Natlee. "Golly!"
Natlee flips a pigtail.
Slicket walks over from the direction of the forge, raising a grease-stained hand in greeting.
"Oh hi," Natlee says casually, dressed in black mageweave. Very little black mageweave.
Slicket eyes Natlee's getup, up and down. "What's the occasion? The heat?"
"Oh, you know." Natlee twirls a pigtail. "I think I'm like, having a Shadow Priest Moment?"
"Suits you," Slicket says with a grin. "That just sort of happens to priestesses every now and again?"
"Golly," mutters Glyphe again.
Lihua arrives.
"I don't really know how to do a lot of shadow priest things, but like, I've definitely got the look down." Natlee preens, making an I'm-So-Cute! Face.
"You look lovely, Natlee," Lihua nods in approval.
"I was totally inspired by your bare midriff," Natlee says to Lihua.
Lihua giggles and pats her belly. "Oh how nice!" Lihua sips some kind of cocktail from a bowl that appears to be carved from a de-spined cactus. "I have found my own way to fight the heat. Nature provides! The juice of this plant is woooonderful."
Natlee looks skeptically at the bowl.
Lihua's eyes might be a little dilated….
"Is that… water?" Slicket asks, looking up at Lihua's dilated eyes.
Natlee giggles behind her hand.
Lihua smacks her lips. "I think it's mostly water. But there is definitely something else in it. It makes me feel tingly! In a good way."
Natlee giggles some more and nudges Glyphe conspiratorially.
"Where'd you get it?" Glyphe asks Lihua.
"It grows to the south," Lihua explains to Glyphe. "I've never seen a plant like it, so I just couldn't resist taking some samples."
"By the way, Glyphe," says Natlee, "since you seem really impressed by my outfit, I'm going to make you one just like it!"
"Well, except for the staff," Natlee amends. "My dad found me this one in Northrend somewhere."
"In Northrend? Nice," Slicket says. "Do you think it's cursed? Haunted?"
Natlee eyes her staff with concern. "It does keep catching on my pigtails…"
Glyphe re-goggles at Natlee. "Gosh no!" she says. "I couldn't wear that. I'm too…." Too what, Glyphe? "Too shy."
"Awwwww." Natlee reaches out in an attempt to pinch Glyphe's cheek.
Glyphe blushes, cheek pinched.
Kalhidai arrives.
Lihua leans to look at Natlee's backside. "You have pig tails…?" Her eyes widen.
Lihua gawks at Natlee's posterior, then looks at Dumpling, then back at Natlee.
Natlee slings her arm around Glyphe. They're besties, her body language suggests.
"It is a name for her hairstyle," Lhilhi says. "Mine is called a pony tail."
"Um, these are called pigtails," Natlee explains, as though to a child. Fluffing a pigtail.
"Hi Lhilhi!" says Natlee cheerfully, looking like she's getting ready for a date with someone real freaky.
"OooOOooooh," Lihua gives an exaggerated slow nod.
[Glyphe]: "Hi Lhilhi! Hi Finder!"
Noodle yips cordially at Finder.
"Hello!" Lhilhi says, cheerful. Finder wags her tail and then runs over to play with Noodle.
"Is the fabulous elf coming today?" Natlee inquires, twirling one of her porcine appendages.
"I think he should be, yeah," Slicket nods. "We're supposed to talk to a local, uh… cook? Or something. This guy right here. Cerethan might be hidden somewhere nearby. Elves, you know."
"Don't mind Lihua today, I think there was something funny in her cactus juice." Natlee looks faintly envious of the cactus juice, tbh.
"Ooo, a cook? How wonderful!" Lihua stands up and guzzles the last of her cactus cocktail.
"Maybe once our work's done today, I could try a sample?" Slicket says, looking up at Lihua.
"Oh, we're talking to a cook?" Natlee double takes as she belatedly processes the assignment. She glances at Lihua uncertainly.
"Certainly! I'll make more later." Lihua nods to Slicket.
"Everyone take realllly good notes in case maybe um, Lihua for some reason… forgets anything interesting the cook says today," says Natlee.
Glyphe giggles.
Slicket chuckles.
Driz looks over a little impatiently. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You’re the Alliance helpers, yeah? Want to make some cash? I mean, help a goblin out?"
"Hey, Slicket, he said something about cash…" Natlee points.
Slicket gives Natlee a thumbs up. Cash sounds great.
Cerethan blinks next to the group. He readjusts his turban. "Why, yes, we are the Alliance helpers. How can we, uh… help?"
Slicket was right, he was clearly hidden somewhere nearby.
"Wow," says Natlee, blinking. "He does not look like a cook."
"I’m sort of one, in a matter of speaking," Driz says. "I make my money around here selling animal parts for culinary purposes. I've been perfecting a foolproof method of maximizing profit: The butcherbot!"
"Oh here we go," Natlee sighs.
"Oh man, really? A robot?" Slicket peers at the mechanicals behind him.
"A mechanical butcher?" Lihua blinks. "How interesting!"
"Yes indeed!" Driz says. "These little guys are programmed to harvest every scrap of usable material from the wildlife around here, on a case-by-case basis. He does all the work, and best of all, only I know how to get the goods back out of him."
"Probably it blows up," Glyphe says.
Natlee's eyeroll can be seen from space.
"No no no, that would be the opposite of profitable," Driz says, about as earnestly as a goblin can.
"Glyphe said the goblin part out loud," Natlee says in a stage-whisper.
"So you want us to take the bot for a walk?" Slicket asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Please forgive me," Lihua says, "but it is difficult to believe a machine could butcher as effectively as a true chef."
Cerethan eyes the machine. "Fascinating. I find it reassuring that you've decided to work on kitchenware and not on weaponry, because such a machine could be devastating on a battlefield," Cerethan fiddles with his moustache.
Natlee moves over to Lihua and whispers toward her much higher ear, "Pretty much everything goblins invent is a total sh— uh disaster."
"Well, you're in luck, because yes I was going to ask you to take a few out for a spin," Driz grins. "I need some glasshide basilisk parts; you'll find a bunch of them to the south. You can see for yourself, and tell me how impressed you are afterward."
Lihua gives Natlee a worried grimace.
Natlee gently pats Lihua. Patlee.
"Yeah, I guess we could give a try," Slicket says, taking a controller. He glances over at the others and mouths, "Don't get too close to them."
Natlee giggles.
"You eaten any basilisks yet, Lihua?" Slicket asks as they head out.
Lihua shakes her head. "Not local basilisks."
"It is a little too chewy for my delicate palate, but perhaps you will enjoy it, Lihua," Cerethan says.
Natlee giggles at Cerethan.
The team fights a basilisk, and then the robot gets to work, calling out "No part goes to waste! Yay!"
"Ewwww…" Glyphe says, watching the bot.
Lihua winces, watching the butcherbot do its thing.
As the bot gets to work, Natlee baaaacks up violently.
"Ewwww is RIGHT," Natlee agrees.
[Kalhidai]: "That is messy!"
Cerethan, on the other hand, approaches the bot, fascinated by the intricacies of the mechanisms.
"Very messy…and sloppy." Lihua tsks.
"Don't get splashed, Cerethan," Natlee says sweetly.
"Ah, right, right, thank you." Cerethan takes a step back. "I've only finally gotten the salty perfume out of those robes."
"Uh, I'm not sure if that's more efficient than a chef," Slicket says with a nod. "Sounds like goblin exaggeration."
"What, a goblin? Exaggerate??" Natlee says with wide eyes.
"It certainly gets every part," Lihua admits. "But a good butcher does not just hack meat apart. Every cut must be made with care and preshishum. Precizun. Precision."
"Chop chop chop!" calls out the robot cheerfully.
Natlee giggles softly at Lihua's linguistic preshishum.
"EWWWWW!" Glyphe says again, more forcefully.
"I want the arterieeees!" cries the bot, oblivious to Glyphe's disgust.
"Hey Glyphe, look at the um…" Natlee looks around. "The anything that isn't that."
VWHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHMNNNGHHHGH goes the bot.
"… interesting." Cerethan looks at the robot a little confused. "I wonder why speech was included in the design of this machine."
"Oh yes, look at the sky!" Lihua advises, then squints. "Does it always do that in a desert?" She boggles at the sky.
Patlee gently nats Lihua. As far as Lihua knows.
"So big and blue, yeah," Slicket nods.
"Ah!" Cerethan looks at the sky, curious, and stares directly at the sun for a second.
"Mmmhm…blue…and very swirly…" Lihua mumbles.
"Increase your profit potential with Butcherbot!" the robot says brightly.
Natlee giggles.
"Oh, that might be your reason," Slicket nods to Cerethan. "Ads."
"Aha! Now it certainly makes sense," Cerethan says, shading his eyes with his hand.
"Of course a goblin can't make anything that doesn't advertise," Natlee says with a cutely wrinkled nose.
The butchery of basilisks continues.
"So um…" Natlee looks pointedly away from the gleefully chopping bot. "Anyone have any interesting news?"
The bot starts to sing a little jingle. "Butcherbot will harvest meat, tra la la la la…"
"Oh, uh… I heard there's a mantid invasion in Pandaria," Slicket says, staring at the robot.
"Oh no. THe robot's ads are already stuck in my head," Cerethan laments.
Lihua scoops up a pawful of sand and gives it an experimental lick. She quickly decides this sand is unsuitable for culinary purposes.
"A whatid invasion?" Natlee looks to Slicket. "Was this a newsletter thing? Ugh." The ugh seems directed at the whole idea of reading.
"Yeah, newsletter thing," Slicket nods. "Didn't get too many details."
Natlee takes Lihua's paw and gently brushes the sand from it, giving her a stern look.
Lihua smiles and pokes Natlee's pig tail.
"Is it like, half man, half… tid?" Natlee theorizes. "That doesn't help me, as I don't know what a tid is."
"I may not know what a mantid is, but it's plain to see that an invasion of any kind is unfortunate news for anyone," Cerethan shakes his head.
"I guess that's all the big news lately, Pandaria," Slicket nods. "Oh wait, also there were some undercover demons in Felwood."
Natlee nods at Cerethan with huge sympathetic eyes.
"And yeah, invasions are usually bad news," Slicket agrees.
"We should go to Pandaria. Probably it's not as hot," Glyphe says, fanning herself.
Lihua nods emphatically to Glyphe. "I would love to go to Pandaria."
"Mantid, or mantide? As in the common word 'tide', associated with the sea. Pandaria may be facing issues with a people such as the naga?" Cerethan considers.
"Mantide sounds like a fantasy romance novel plot," Slicket says with a laugh. "Pretty sure it was mantid."
"Man tide sounds like a natural event. Like a sudden influx of men. Like it's raining them or something." Natlee giggles.
"Yeah, just what I was thinking, Nat," Slicket laughs.
"We should BE so lucky." Natlee giggles.
"Well, then, I am unaware of what a tid is," Cerethan says. "Unfortunately."
"I know what a tidbit is," Slicket says thoughtfully.
[Natlee]: "Oh, maybe they're like teeny tiny little men? Little man tidbits?"
[Kalhidai]: "I don't know what a tid is either. I hope it's not like a bofa."
"What's a bofa?" Slicket asks, looking at Lhilhi.
"A… Bofa?" Cerethan frowns in confusion.
Lihua giggles, "Bofa…."
[Kalhidai]: "I cannot finish the joke. It is very rude."
Natlee slyly eyes Slicket. "Oh! I bet I know what they are. I bet they're chairfors."
Glyphe, obligingly, asks, "What's a chairfor?"
"For sitting in, dummy," Natlee says gleefully.
[Kalhidai]: "Ha!"
Glyphe giggles.
"Bofas and chairfors.." Slicket shares a quick glance with Cerethan. Maybe it's a girl thing.
Cerethan stares at Kalhidai in disbelief. Retention of information. He now must know what a bofa is at all costs. He missed the chairfor joke because he was too shocked. Cerethan clears his throat, deciding to look for information on bofa on his own. "Anyway. Have you been wondering about what I was doing, when you came here first and I was missing in action?" Cerethan fishes for questions.
"I was totally wondering,' Natlee says wide-eyed.
"Hooray for meat!" The bot pipes up. "HIP HIP HOORAY!"
Natlee shushes the bot. To no avail.
Lihua gasps, "You were MISSING?!"
"Oh yeah, what were you up to?" Slicket asks.
"Ah, it's only natural, Natl— well, missing from the group, not missing in general, Lihua!" Cerethan says, a little surprised at the reaction.
Natlee giggles.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" the bot cries. It is probably not talking about Cerethan being missing.
"Oh, thank goodness!" Lihua looks so relieved and suddenly throws her thick arms around Cerethan in a bear hug.
Natlee watches Glyphe throw a GIGANTIC fireball. Her eyes go even wider than usual. Which is REALLY wide.
Cerethan takes the bot's reaction very personally. He's then completely thrown off by Lihua's hug. "Ah! Um! Pl- please, Lihua! I am too young for non-platonic relationships!"
Natlee cracks up.
Slicket is startled into a laugh as well.
Lihua giggles. "What's a plontoholic relationship?"
"Cerethan's big words are not a great match for our Common-learner here," Natlee says wryly.
"Well…" he escapes from the hug. "Relationship of the romantic kind. With… Physical touch, and… kind words."
"Kind words?" Natlee says blankly. Natlee may have just revealed a bit too much about her dating history.
"Kind words. Like, "I knew only the beauty of planetrise before you, but you are a dawn even greater still." Lhilhi thinks. "I think that's what he said?"
"OMT, Lhilhi, who said that to you??" Natlee puts a hand over her mouth, eyes sparkling.
Slicket's eyes are round as he looks at Lhilhi. He's committing that one to memory for later use.
[Kalhidai]: "Some boy. I thought it was going somewhere, and then he introduced me to an etheral with an investment opportunity."
Natlee winces in sympathy with Lhilhi.
Slicket glances over to Kalhidai sympathetically. "Always the worst, when they're all eloquent before they let the mask slip, yeah?"
Cerethan hides his eyes in shame. How embarrassing for Kalhidai. This would never happen to Cerethan, obviously.
"Okay, okay, I want to hear the story of where you were, Cerethan," Slicket says. "Let's just turn in our basilisk parts first."
Driz grins as the team approaches, talking about… physical touch and kind words. He clears his throat and says, "Nice going, kids. Didn't lose any fingers? Good, we can get some more work for you then."
"Your butcherbot is very fast…but those meat cuts will not do for proper cooking," Lihua says. "I'm very sorry."
"Maybe try inventing something less disgusting next time," Natlee says sweetly.
"I bet they'll be great for goblin cooking," Driz says cheerfully. "Ever had a burger in Booty Bay?"
"Do you mean… literally?" Natlee asks.
"No, and now I never will," Glyphe says, tiny nose wrinkled.
"Yes, literally. So sorry, didn't realize you all were so squeamish," Driz says dryly. "Anyway… Have you seen the red-feathered birds swarming around the bones out there? Those are fire rocs. They'll light you up good if you're not careful."
"Question about these birds - does fire hurt them?" Natlee looks to Glyphe.
Glyphe nods at Natlee. Good question.
"Oh yeah, they light up pretty easy, too," Driz nods. "They're also pretty darn valuable thanks to their unique anatomy. Most of the hunters loafing around here aren't up to the task of killing fire-spitting buzzards for money…think you can handle it?"
"We have our own fire-spitter!" Natlee says cheerily, patting Glyphe.
"Yeah, we can handle it easy," Slicket nods. "Let's go, team."
Natlee cheers at Slicket.
Lihua scoots closer to Cerethan, then pokes his rib. "Touch." She bursts into giggles.
Natlee giggles too.
"Lihua, it's not nice to touch people who don't like being touched! Even if those people are weird." Natlee is very solemn, seemingly anyway.
Cerethan blushes, putting his hand where Lihua touched him. "Lihua, please, I'm a future married man!" he pauses. "I don't know yet who I will marry, but I will marry, that is for certain."
Somewhere in this conversation, the team makes it to a large bone structure with the advertised fire rocs. Glyphe gives firing them a try.
"Yep," Glype says cheerfully, "they blow up great!"
"I think it's the feathers," Natlee agrees.
[Kalhidai]: "How do you know? Will your mother pick someone out for you?"
"How can you not like to be touched?" Lihua shakes her head, baffled. "What about cuddle piles?"
"Is this like a… arranged thing?" Slicket asks, looking to Cerethan, and nods to Lhilhi. "How you know for sure?"
Natlee has been staring at Lihua since she said 'cuddle piles.'
"No, no, nothing of the sort," Cerethan shakes his head. "It's only destined I'll meet someone to marry eventually! I am a Starflight after all." He looks in horror at Lihua. "… Cuddle piles?.. This seems entirely… improper. Salacious."
Natlee giggles.
"Is that a common pandaren thing?" Slicket asks.
"I dunno, cuddle piles with Pandaren sounds comfy," Glyphe says.
"Of course!" Lihua nods to Slicket. "It is the best way to nap. With friends!"
Natlee nods thoughtfully.
"I've been told gnomes traditionally sleep, like, a bunch in one room. But not in a pile per se." Natlee continues to look thoughtful.
"I will cuddle with you if you wish to try it," Lihua says.
"Yeah, I think we saw some of those bunk beds when we were with S.A.F.E., right?" Slicket says, looking at Natlee. "But I never slept in one either."
Natlee giggles a little awkwardly.
"Maybe not in this heat." Glyphe fans herself again.
"Yeah. And… I'm not sure I'm like, a cuddler type." Natlee looks uncertain, and faintly unsettled.
"It is entirely too warm for cuddle piles in the desert,” Kalhidai says. "I thought Thousand Needles was hot. And muggy."
"I haaate the name Thousand Needles, by the way," says Natlee. "I wince just thinking about it."
Cerethan doesn't comment on the weather. His familiar flaps its wings around his head constantly to make a nice little breeze.
"Yeah, that's a lot of needles," Glyphe agrees.
Natlee's skin, on the dark side for a gnome, seems more than up to the task of bearing the desert sun's scorching rays.
"At least it's not literal," Slicket offers. "But okay, Cerethan. Where were you?"
"Ah! We're back on topic again!" Cerethan beams. "So, since you all were so curious, I shall tell you more. I had been told by a trustworthy source that he had found an ancient spell of the school of astromancy. A sort of ritual, if you'd like."
"A ritual?" Slicket raises his eyebrows. "To do what?"
Natlee glances at Glyphe to see if she looks interested or alarmed.
Glyphe appears to be waiting for the deets.
"I therefore went to see it for myself, and to acquire the knowledge. Last time you all met, I was on a grand adventure. One to gather the necessary reagents from several vendors, in several cities!" Cerethan says excitedly.
"Um what kind of… reagents?" Natlee asks.
"Well, that's the interesting part, we're not entirely sure what exactly this ritual does. I will be trying it very soon - I'm waiting for one of the stones to be cut in the correct shape," Cerethan beams.
"Uh… That sounds dangerous," Glyphe says.
"So the reagents are… stones?" Slicket asks.
Natlee glances at Glyphe and looks appropriately dismayed.
"The reagents are rather common, truth be told," Cerethan nods. "Plants, stones, candles of a specific scent… nothing alarming."
"Do you have any ideas what it might do?" Slicket asks.
"Yeah," Glyphe says, nodding at Slicket. "That's kind of the important bit."
"Hopefully not bring a troll warlord back to life or anything like that," Slicket laughs, a little nervously.
"Oh, I love scented candles." Natlee is not able to remain alarmed at the mention of scented candles.
"I do have theories, yes," Cerethan smiles. "I think it's some sort of… Communication spell." He points at the sky. "See, the stars we see are long gone, by the time they appear to us. If my theory is correct, we will be able to communicate with people through the ages, with that ritual!"
"So I could like, talk to my mom and ask who murdered her?" Natlee says casually.
"I'd do what you can to make sure what it does, before you try it," Slicket cautions. "Sounds a little like necromancy."
"Yes and we know allllllll about accidental necromancy, don't we, Slick." Natlee gives him a Look.
Lihua wiggles her fingers slowly in front of her face, looking absolutely amazed at her own hand.
"My point exactly," Slicket nods. "If it is just talking, that could be interesting."
"Oh, please be assured, nothing in this ritual screams 'necromancy' to me," Cerethan shakes his head. "It's only a means to communicate with those long gone, Like Natlee's mother - and perhaps those to be!
Driz waves happily as they come back into town with full butcherbots. "Speaking of talking, welcome back. And have you heard about this Nesingwary guy, out of Stranglethorn Vale, hunting all sorts of beasts for sport?"
"Uh, yeah," Slicket says.
"Ugh, yes," says Natlee.
"For SPORT. What a complete idiot, right?" Driz shakes his head. "Think of all the profit he's letting rot in the field! *Driz looks at Lihua* I mean, the good eating he’s missing, right?"
"Not really my kinda guy," Slicket nods. "For a few reasons."
Natlee whispers to Slicket, "Isn't it creepy that he mentioned Stranglethorn right after I said 'accidental necromancy'? Do you think he knows?"
Lihua snaps out of her trance. "He hunts for sport?" She frowns DEEPLY.
Slicket whispers back, "I sure hope not, but I'll keep an eye on him."
"I know! It's terrible! Whatever you think of my bot, you'll agree I'm making use of the whole animal, right?" Driz smiles. "And on that note — I want you to go after hyenas next."
"That is one way to put it," Cerethan frowns a little.
Glyphe grumbles, "You could have told us to go after all three while we were out there."
"Right??" Natlee says to Glyphe.
"The hyenas wandering the wastes here might look scrawny, but they've got some of the strongest jaws you'll find! If you're not careful, they'll take a leg off in one bite," Driz winces. "That kind of bone strength is a valuable resource, my friend."
Natlee looks down at her very unprotected legs.
"Just let my bot at 'em, and bring him back when he's full," Driz says cheerfully. "I'd have had to empty him anyway."
Lihua sighs. "You do use the whole animal. But you should show more respect to your kills. Your butcherbot does not tend to their spirits."
"Spirits?" the goblin blinks, like Lihua is suddenly speaking a foreign language.
"Are you like a shaman or something?" Natlee squints at Lihua.
"No…I am a chef," Lihua says as if that explains everything.
"Chefs work with spirits?" Slicket asks.
"Oh, that kind of spirits," says Natlee, thinking she understands.
"It is important to respect the spirit when you take a life," Lihua says solemnly. "It is honorable, AND it really brings out the flavor."
The flavor of the hyenas we fight next may be questionable.
"I wish hyenas were slightly cuter," Natlee says with a little pout.
"But then we wouldn't wanna chop 'em up," Glyphe points out.
"True," says Natlee.
Lihua murmurs a quiet prayer as the hyena is killed.
"My cuteness has definitely kept me from getting chopped up a time or three," Natlee says, flipping a pigtail.
"I must admit, I do enjoy having the company of all of you, with all our cultural differences," Cerethan nods. "For example, it's delightful to learn about Lihua's ancient and tribal beliefs, as we did now!"
"I enjoy your company too, Cerethan," says Natlee. "The things you say are just adorable." She scrunches up her whole face.
"Ancient and tribal…?" Lihua peers at Cerethan.
"I'm not sure I'd call… pandaren that…" Slicket peers at Cerethan. "But then, what do I know?"
"Oh!" Cerethan's eyes widen. "I did not mean to offend!" He turns to Natlee. "I failed to mention gnomish culture, but I did enjoy learning where your people's seeming lack of intimacy came from!"
"Um what? Seeming lack of what, came from where now?" Natlee blinks at Cerethan.
Glyphe blinks too.
Slicket, also, blinks.
"Well, gnomes are used to sharing a room, are you not? That's what you said earlier, I believe?" Cerethan raises an eyebrow. "It therefore makes sense why you don't really seem to have a sense of shame!"
Cerethan bites his lower lip. "Wait, no, what I'm saying seems to be coming out wrong. I apologize."
"I suppose it's also fun to learn about your culture, and your traditional difficulty with words," Slicket finally says.
"Okay um… first of all?" Natlee flips a pigtail. "The only other gnome I new growing up was my mom, and I didn't see Gnomeregan until like, a year ago or something. And second of all, gnomes have no shame because unlike elves, we did not like, blow up the world."
"Nothing to be ashamed of," Slicket nods.
"If gnomes are gonna cause a catastrophe we at least have like, the decency to confine it to our own city, you know?" Natlee smiles sweetly.
Cerethan turns to Lihua. "I did not mean ancient and tribal in a bad way, I only meant that… animalistic beliefs are often more associated with tribal people, like the orcs and trolls."
"You might just wanna stop there, sweetie," says Natlee. "We're like, at war with those people at the moment, you know."
"Animalistic belief?" Lihua giggles. "No, no. It is culinary belief! And not just belief. It is truth. I will show you. Tonight, I am cooking you dinner."
"Don't the kaldorei have a lot of… animalistic beliefs?" Slicket asks. "All the Wild Gods and stuff like that."
"Of course, the Kaldorei do, but more specifically, those are mainly the beliefs of the lower class," Cerethan nods. "And those Wild Gods you mention, there are records of humans actually interacting with those spirits, unlike these… food spirits."
"You know what they say… when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." Natlee nods sagely.
"Wait, I seem to be unjustly linked to the sundering," Cerethan blinks in surprise. "I must say that it happened thousands of years before my birth, and I don't believe I have to feel shame about this!"
"Also I'm in for dinner," Slicket nods. "And maybe cactus juice."
"I think we could all use a little cactus juice," says Natlee.
"I will cook for everyone!" Lihua beams. "You will taste the difference. A respected and honored meal fills both your belly and your soul."
"Maybe enough cactus juice will relax me right out of this like, Shadow Priest Era I've recently entered." Natlee sighs dramatically.
"Maybe not that much," Slicket says reasonably, glancing at the Shadow Priest Era clothes again.
Cerethan is speaking faster and faster, and it's coming out progressively more wrong. He takes a deep breath. "Please accept all of my apologies at once. Thank you for offering a meal, Lihua, I'm incredibly grateful."
"But maybe cactus juice after the meal," Lihua says, watching her hand again for a moment. "I am starting to think it has a strong effect on my senses."
Natlee giggles. "You think so?" she says sweetly.
Lihua blinks at Natlee…then breaks out in giggles.
"Honestly it's adorable and I love this journey for you," Natlee says with a little pat to Lihua's arm.
"Journey?" Lihua considers. "Interesting. Do you think the cactus is taking me on a spritual journey?"
"Something like that," Natlee says to Lihua with big solemn eyes.
"Let's give a bunch of cactus juice to Cerethan and then see what he says!" Glyphe says.
"OMT I love this plan, Glyphe." Natlee giggles more.
Cerethan has not noticed a change in Lihua's behavior. Pandaren will panda, in his head.
"What do you mean, cactus juice?" Cerethan tilts his head. "Where is that talk of cactus juice coming from?"
"Oh you missed that because you were late," Natlee says cheerfully to Cerethan. "Lihua showed up all whacked out on cactus juice."
"Cactus juice is akin to… alcohol?" Cerethan asks, curiously.
[Natlee]: "Apparently. Like she wasn't already adorable, now she's like all… confused and seeing swirly things in the sky."
"I made a tea from the juice of a native plant called a cactus," Lihua clarifies. "It seems to be more powerful than I expected."
"Uh. I must admit, I hadn't noticed a change, Lihua," Cerethan shrugs.
"See?" Glyphe says. "Not alcoholic, just tea."
"Thank you for bravely experimenting for us all," Natlee says, giving Lihua a little pat.
Lihua giggles at Cerethan.
Driz looks up as they approach. "You've been drinking cactus tea? Huh, glad to see you've still got all your limbs, after taking my bot out."
"Just let me know if you end up with a banging headache later or whatever. Before I try it." Natlee smiles, showing her dimples.
Driz happily accepts the butcherbots back and starts retrieving hyena bones. "Beautiful! We'll have these puppies shined up and ready to sell in no time. In the meantime, I think Steelspark wanted to talk to you."
"I am sorry, Mr. Driz," says Lihua. "I do not think I can give my endorsement to your butcherbots."
"I am also like, very reluctant to do that," Natlee says.
"Whaaaat?" Driz blinks innocently. "I thought he was working like a charm. I got a lot of good stuff."
Natlee sighs. "It's like trying to explain to someone why orange doesn't go with pink."
Glyphe giggles at Natlee.
"Yeah, don't worry about it, dude," Slicket says. "Unless you want to improve."
Driz scoffs. He is clearly beyond improvement.
Kelsey Steelspark is deep in conversation with Megs Dreadshredder of the Bilgewater Cartel and Mister Marin Noggenfogger, leader of the Steamwheedle.
Megs Dreadshredder says: The paperwork's ready for you to sign, Marin. My people are just waiting on your decision.
Kelsey Steelspark says: Gosh, Mr. Noggenfogger, I know you wouldn't want to damage your reputation as a neutral trade entity by forming closer ties to the Horde!
Megs Dreadshredder says: This is laughable. You know what it's like trying to do business with gnomes.
Kelsey Steelspark says: Oh, oh, I know this one! It's better than doing business with failed goblins that had to beg others for help!
Megs Dreadshredder says: Why you little irradiated…
Kelsey holds up a hand to the goblins and steps away as the Coblat group approaches. "Cobalt! Glad you're back! Thanks to our rescue mission success, I've talked Mr. Noggenfogger into letting us handle the rest of the pirates!"
Natlee cheers!
"I'm going to be wrapping up here, and then I'll meet you down in Lost Rigger Cove," Kelsey says, and then her eyes track to Lihua's dilated pupils. "You all take your time, okay? When you're ready, meet me there!"
Glyphe nods at Kelsey. "We'll be there!"
Natlee gives Kelsey heart-eyes.
"You can count on us!" Cerethan bows his head. "Or I am not Lord Cerethan Starflight!"
Lihua boggles at Cerethan. "Who are you?!"
Natlee giggles.
Cerethan slowly turns to Lihua. "… Lord Cerethan Starflight."
Lihua nods and lets out a sigh of relief.
"I certainly hope that's your name," Kelsey says with a perky smile. "See you at the Cove!" She walks briskly away.