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| Details |
| Author: | Alli |
| Summary: | Hespyth and Sarandis come by Velrin's home to check in on her after the latest events in Felwood. They discuss their fears and sorrows of days past, as well as how to adapt when you have reason to doubt your own path. ~4100 words. |
| Rating: | T for Teen |
Arc: Kalimdor Newbies
Hespyth stands in the grove talking animatedly to her sprite darter friend in Darnassian.
Sarandis hears a familiar voice and looks over to Hespyth and her sprite darter. "Hespyth. You are well, since last time?"
[Hespyth]: Oh yes! Yes, yes. Hello! Yes.
Sarandis smiles tentatively. "And the little one?"
Hespyth looks to Flitwing inquisitively.
Flitwing flits.
[Hespyth]: She seems fine…
Sarandis looks to Flitwing and nods seriously. "I had thought to check up on the others, given how… difficult the day seemed."
[Hespyth]: Mmm, yes, difficult, yes.
Hespyth nibbles at the fingernails of her left hand. Or what remains of them.
[Sarandis]: Would you come with me to Silverbloom's place?
Hespyth nods.
They go to visit Velrin.
Sarandis nods back, and turns towards the small house, drawing in a breath. She knocks once at the side of the door.
Velrin a long sigh comes from inside. After a moment, Vel responds in a hoarse voice, "Come in."
Sarandis glances back at Hespyth and Flitwing, and then enters.
Hespyth hangs back a bit nervously.
[Sarandis]: Silverbloom. *Sarandis says, and then she flounders for a moment. Surprise, she is also not socially adept* It is… good to see you?
Velrin is sitting inside of the ring of her crescent and has a wide variety of knives, daggers, and glaives splayed out around her. She holds one in her hand and is sharpening the edge with a stone.
[Hespyth]: Hello… I'm Hespyth…
Sarandis smiles briefly at Hespyth. "I hope she remembers your name…"
Velrin smiles weakly at the two, "Hello…" She says somewhat non-commitally.
[Sarandis]: You're preparing for fighting the demons, I see?
Hespyth eyes the blades and tugs at an ear.
[Velrin]: Y-… I am. *Vel sets down this knife and produces another from behind her and begins sharpening it.*
[Sarandis]: If it is true, that they have infiltrated the druids… I hope they are not here in the Grove, unknown.
Hespyth squeaks nearly inaudibly in alarm.
[Velrin]: Well if they are then I'll be ready for them. *Velrin responds, doing her best to not sound snippy but she is clearly agitated. She looks very tense, like she's likely to snap at any moment.*
Hespyth backs slowly toward the door.
[Sarandis]: Are you… alright? I know it is difficult, but we can focus on the good we're doing here. The healing. *Sarandis raises a hand to touch the scarring on her cheek*
Velrin's eyebrow twitches and she takes a deep breath, "I… I don't know…"
Hespyth's gaze follows Sarandis's hand, and her brow wrinkles.
[Hespyth]: It's all right… *a bit nervously* I never know if I am all right… sometimes we just… go… do… wait. Hope.
Sarandis nods, and hesitates for a long moment, trying to find her words. "I know what it is, to have feelings that strike unexpectedly. That are… overwhelming." She glances at Hespyth. "I think you do, too?"
Hespyth nodnodnodnods.
[Hespyth]: The world… everything… is very… *she tugs at her ears* … difficult. But… it is the only world. So.
Velrin takes another deep breath and runs her stone down the blade in her hand. She has quite the collection. She looks to have daggers of the making of every culture in the Alliance, and a few others besides.
Hespyth spots one and points to it - a Highborne style weapon. "Oh!" she says, and smiles strangely, but says nothing more.
Sarandis looks from the weapon to Hespyth, and smiles faintly. "You recognize it?"
[Hespyth]: Mm, mm, I know this kind. Syreithe had one like so.
[Hespyth]: Now she prefer… stick.
[Velrin]: It's an interesting design. I didn't expect them to be as different from the Quel'dorei blades I've seen. *Several of these are also present.*
Hespyth nods.
Sarandis 's smile softens a little. "Syreithe. She has helped me to settle my own feelings. Learning to let them flow away like waves from the shore. I… still prefer blades to sticks."
[Hespyth]: Yes, yes! Quel'dorei… try hard to… mm. Go away. Go away in mind, also.
[Hespyth]: Not be like us.
[Sarandis]: Ah, to be different from the older culture?
Hespyth nods.
[Sarandis]: As did the kaldorei, truly. It is almost like your people have traveled in time.
[Hespyth]: Like a child, going away from the mother. 'Look at me, I am different!" *She laughs nervously.*
Velrin smiles faintly at Hespyth.
Hespyth smiles back, amplifying it.
[Hespyth]: I like your mask. Does it help?
Velrin lowers her head self-consciously, "Help with what?"
[Hespyth]: I used to wore a… big… *She gestures around her face, groping for the word* …hood! It helped things not be so… *She gestures chaotically with her hands.* I felt more far away. Safer.
[Velrin]: This is mostly for protection, but… I suppose it does feel nice to have something to hide behind. *Velrin admits with a tinge of guilt.*
Hespyth nods enthusiastically! She seems to think this is perfectly fine.
[Hespyth]: It is smart to carry a hiding thing with you, because sometimes it is not easy to find a hiding place.
[Sarandis]: It is not unreasonable to sometimes want to hide. *Sarandis says, with a quiet smile* A mask is better than leaving entirely. I have… done that one.
[Hespyth]: Oh yes, me too, I left everything! For thousands of years! This… was a mistake. *A slightly feral laugh.*
[Hespyth]: It is better to … try. You know?
[Velrin]: I guess…
[Hespyth]: Difficulter! But better.
[Hespyth]: For… everything. Even when… not for me.
Velrin's arm visibly tenses when she goes to set down this knife, but she pauses and then gently sets it down.
Sarandis nods. "I left for… well, it was less than a decade. I am trying to come back now. That is what I am doing with the Aegis. It is hard, but… it is better not to be alone, I think."
[Velrin]: I… That's true… *Velrin reaches behind her for the next knife. It's a long, double bladed dagger, possibly of troll make. Velrin grips it tightly when she sees it.*
[Hespyth]: Mostly I am just all the time afraid. But it is like… cold water. After long time, it feels… I do not feel, because I am just… in it. All the time. So I keep swimming and then sometimes I see… new things. And it's… what is the word.
Hespyth gives up and switches to Darnassian, since they're all elves here. "Sorry, I've been trying to speak entirely in Common, but even in my native tongue, sometimes it's so difficult to pin my thoughts down and make them come out right."
Sarandis nods, shifting her own language. "I think we can all speak our native tongue here, then, for a challenging conversation."
[Hespyth]: My head is like a jar full of butterflies… on a good day! So… yes.
[Sarandis]: For me, the fear comes at unexpected times. A sound that is too much like… other things I remember. Or an unexpected movement. Or fire. I used to lash out, sometimes, but the anger was from fear.
[Hespyth]: It makes sense that you fear fire. I wish my fears made sense.
Sarandis smiles at Hespyth. "You fear… everything? I hope you do not fear us."
[Hespyth]: You, I am almost finished being afraid of. Almost. Because we have known each other for many moons now. But… yes, at first I was terrified of you. I am terrified of everyone.
[Velrin]: Tch… *Velrin begins sharpening this knife too* If only all my problems could be so straightforward.
[Hespyth]: Yes, I would give a great deal for a straightforward problem. Or a straightforward mind.
[Hespyth]: B-but not to say your fear is simple or small! *She corrects hastily, almost panicked, to Sarandis.*
[Hespyth]: But… it is easier to understand. Easier for others to see, looking at you, how you have been hurt. Sometimes people look fine on the outside but on the inside they are nothing but scars.
Sarandis shakes her head, to show she is not offended.
Hespyth bites her nails.
[Sarandis]: I used to think that was me as well. The burns healed, as well as they were able. But I did not, for a long while. I thought maybe I never would.
[Hespyth]: Never is a very, very long time. Almost nothing lasts that long.
[Sarandis]: That is true, not even the world. Things do change, even if the change feels very slow. Even if it is not a straight path, but folds back on itself sometimes.
[Velrin]: How… how would you adjust if… What if the path you had been walking along your whole life turned out to be wrong?
[Hespyth]: Oh… that depends on how I found out it was wrong. Did someone else tell me? Did I feel it in my heart?
Sarandis considers the question carefully in silence.
Velrin clams up a little again and looks down at her work.
[Sarandis]: Looking back at my own path… I think I have had to accept that it is done. But the path ahead is yet to be walked, and I am not beholden to what came before.
Hespyth continues nervously when Velrin doesn't clarify: "If someone else told me, besides Syreithe, I would probably just ignore it and keep walking."
[Sarandis]: And if you felt it in your own heart?
[Hespyth]: Then I would try to walk a different path, and probably fall down every few steps into a little puddle, crying.
[Hespyth]: That is… more or less what I've been doing the past… year or two…
Sarandis reaches out to touch Hespyth's arm. For a moment she looks like she might hug her. It's possible someone told her to do that in a letter.
Hespyth startles away at the touch, but then looks immediately apologetic and mashes her arm aggressively right back into Sarandis's hand.
[Sarandis]: I can give a story of my own life, a path I was walking that turned out to be different than I believed.
Velrin spins the dagger in her hand in an intricate pattern before setting it down. That's all of her blades. Now she has nothing to distract herself with.
[Hespyth]: I like stories. If nothing else they keep me from saying anything strange.
Sarandis smiles, and then it fades a little as she continues, "I thought I had found a partner who loved me. We had a child, a daughter I still cherish. Then, when I needed him more than ever, he was not there for me. He was not there for our daughter."
[Sarandis]: And I realized, my path was not true. That I was not on the path I thought I was walking. It… hurt, very badly, but that is years in the past now.
[Sarandis]: Now I do not regret it, because I have my daughter. But… I had to adjust.
[Hespyth]: Oh… that has never happened to me. That's so terrible; I'm sorry.
Velrin swallows after hearing the story, "I… I had someone sort of like that once…"
[Hespyth]: Oh no, I'm so sorry… they're gone now?
[Sarandis]: I am sorry that you know this pain — and Hespyth, I hope it is one you are spared.
Velrin nods at Hespyth's question but keeps her head down, "He died. Years ago now."
[Hespyth]: Oh noooooo… *Hespyth's eyes fill with tears.*
[Sarandis]: Mine as well, this last spring.
[Hespyth]: Oh… I can't imagine. I can't even imagine. How terrible.
[Sarandis]: But there are good memories. I keep those, and I look forward to the future. I know more now than I did then, and I can better direct my path.
[Velrin]: Spare him your tears. He doesn't deserve them, nor those I shed on his behalf. *Velrin says pointedly. She tries to soften her tone at the end for Hespyth's sake.*
Hespyth nods slowly, seeming to understand.
[Hespyth]: I heard once that… when you love someone… it is a reflection of you, not that person.
[Hespyth]: That your heart is full of love, and that it speaks well of you.
[Velrin]: That is… comforting at least.
[Hespyth]: You both seem like very good people, to me. We cannot always see when someone is… wrong. I loved— I mean, in my way, I loved Queen Azshara.
[Hespyth]: I did not know her, but I adored her image, who I thought she was, the queen I created in my mind from all the talk and the sightings and so on.
[Hespyth]: I would have died for her if a messenger had sent me a note asking me to.
Sarandis looks at Hespyth with a flicker of surprise. "I had not thought of it in that way, before. Only that I… I was foolish."
[Hespyth]: I was foolish, too. Who isn't?
[Sarandis]: I never saw that era of our history, but… I think you were not alone in it. She was… beloved, wasn't she?
Velrin seems to relax a little at Hespyth's earlier comment.
[Hespyth]: Oh yes, almost everyone adored her. She had a way of making you love her.
[Hespyth]: I do not think we were all terrible people for not seeing what she was.
[Hespyth]: We couldn't all possibly be.
[Sarandis]: Maybe it was just your capacity to love, and it is no one's fault that her own face was false.
Hespyth taps her nose and points excitedly to Sarandis.
[Hespyth]: Yes, that was what my friend was saying!
[Hespyth]: I… can't remember his name.
[Hespyth]: He's dead now, anyhow.
[Sarandis]: His words live on, then.
[Hespyth]: Yes!
[Velrin]: I've only ever heard about all that history from my mother. She said that Azshara was an evil queen who led our people down a dark path, but Shan'do Stormrage and the High Priestess led us down a new path where we lived in harmony with Azeroth.
[Hespyth]: Azshara may not have always been evil, but at the end, she surely was. I… don't know much of what happened after she fell.
[Hespyth]: When Malygos broke, so did I.
[Hespyth]: I was not myself again until he died.
Sarandis nods. "My own parents did not speak much of that time. As for the Queen… we may well have opportunity to see what happened to her after she fell. She is still there, after all, in the sea."
[Hespyth]: Wha-a-aaaat???
Hespyth has apparently not gotten this memo.
[Hespyth]: In the SEA??
There was a brief Aegis sighting of her in Darkshore, but it has faded like a bad dream by now.
[Velrin]: My parents weren't there for that either. It's just what she told me.
Hespyth can be seen, in real time, to suddenly become utterly terrified of the sea.
[Sarandis]: A naga, leading other naga. My daughter helped to prevent her forces from taking over the Plane of Water.
Hespyth claps both hands over her mouth and just stares at Sarandis wide-eyed.
[Velrin]: I think my minn'da said that her an'da was alive back then and helped fight against her.
Hespyth removes her hands from her mouth.
[Hespyth]: Someone… probably told me all of this already… I should have been listening better…
Hespyth puts her hands back.
[Sarandis]: It is… settled for now, it seems, but who knows in the future? *Sarandis glances to Velrin.* There are few now with us who saw those times. Hespyth is one. My parents were… I am not sure if they were in the War of the Ancients or sometime soon after.
[Hespyth]: And those like me… we saw little, really.
[Hespyth]: We fled and hid and ignored the world changing around us.
[Hespyth]: Especially me!
[Velrin]: It… must have been simpler back then. There were so many demons and things about. It would have been easy to tell what to do. Right? *Velrin seeks confirmation*
[Hespyth]: It seemed that way to me. Before Malygos lost his mind. I used my magic to kill evil things… but I was young. Maybe I was missing the complexity of it.
[Sarandis]: I think… *Sarandis pauses, frowning* I think everything looks simpler when you look back at it. Easier to tell what to do, when you know what happens after.
[Hespyth]: Which is a shame, since right now is really all that matters.
[Hespyth]: You can sometimes use what happened before to help you make better decisions now, but mostly, the past is just… a weight. At least, to me.
[Hespyth]: I find that things are … quieter … in my head, I mean, if I just try to take things one moment at a time. Little slices, like bread.
Velrin's breath catches a bit. She clenches her jaw like she's trying to hold something in.
Hespyth watches Velrin, tugging gently at her own ears.
[Sarandis]: Make the best decisions you can in each moment, with limited information… *Sarandis tilts her head slightly, glancing to Velrin*
[Velrin]: Like a weight… *Vel repeats. She clenches her fists so hard they start to shake and her eyes start to shimmer.*
Sarandis draws in her own breath. "I wish I could tell you a trick to make things lighter. But I do not know such a thing."
Hespyth just nods, her own eyes teary.
[Velrin]: How could you say that… *Vel continues through clenched teeth.*
Sarandis looks at Velrin, her brow furrowing.
[Hespyth]: Say what?
[Sarandis]: The difficult things can feel like a weight, *Sarandis says.* But there are things more cherished as well. Like… Hespyth your time with your sister. Or my time with my parents.
[Hespyth]: And I said it was a weight… to me. Because it is, to me. I do not think that can be argued by anyone who is not me.
Velrin huffs and takes off her mask. Her eyes are dark and puffy, like she's been crying a lot recently and not sleeping well. Her hand trembles as she grabs her face.
Hespyth just quietly gazes at her, her expression sad.
[Sarandis]: Oh… *Sarandis takes a step toward her.*
[Velrin]: 'Like a weight…' *Velrin repeats bitterly* Everything I've done. How hard I've trained, and worked to become as strong as I could… *she trails off a bit*
[Hespyth]: It is, or is not, a weight, to you? *Hespyth looks confused.*
[Sarandis]: A thing done for one reason can still have value for another… *Sarandis says, her brow still furrowed.*
[Velrin]: My mother always pushed me to do the best I could do. *Velrin pushes through the tears* I wanted to be a Sentinel, just like her.
[Velrin]: So when she… when she was gone, I trained twice as hard so I could do it. I was only twenty two when I joined. I made sure I was so strong that they couldn't turn me away…
Hespyth nods. "I can understand why you would do that."
[Sarandis]: And you served. I served as well. That service has value.
Hespyth seems to put two and two together. "But you don't want to do it anymore?"
[Velrin]: They said… *Velrin takes in a long, shakey breath and continues.* That Betrayer used the skull of Guldan and his demonic powers destroyed my home…
[Hespyth]: Yes, that is true. I've read this in books as well.
Velrin growls, "I hated him for that. My parents died under his command, and that is how they were honored for their sacrifice…"
[Hespyth]: Oh, how awful!
[Sarandis]: I can see why you would, yes.
[Velrin]: And now… *Velrin shoots to her feet and kicks her crescent up into her hand.* This demon hunter comes along claiming that he was really a HERO!?!
[Sarandis]: I would… not go so far as to call the Betrayer a hero, *Sarandis says, pressing her lips together* Even if everything the demon hunter says is true. But… perhaps not guilty of specific sins.
[Sarandis]: Nevetheless, Felwood was harmed, and it does need healing. Whoever is to blame, the work remains. And we are doing it. We have made such progress.
[Hespyth]: People said Azshara was perfect, up until the very end. They can say whatever they feel like saying. That doesn't make it true.
[Velrin]: It's just… *Velrin growls again and ruffles her hair with her free hand.* Everything I've done! All the hatred and anger I've held for him, driving me to avenge my parents' memory! It's like I've been told that it's all a lie!
[Hespyth]: It seems to me that it's simply a matter of opinion.
[Hespyth]: I'm inclined to believe he was a villain, still, from what I have read.
[Velrin]: And… and now I'm supposed to… Just carry on like nothing ever happened?! Like nothing at all! Just back to the mission!
[Hespyth]: Why not? Why do you care so much what that stranger thinks?
[Hespyth]: Do you think he is right? I don't. It did not even occur to me that he might be. He put out his own eyes, which seems a sign of bad judgment at best, fanaticism at worst.
[Hespyth]: For every villain in this world, there is someone who thinks them a hero.
[Sarandis]: He is an Illidari — he will not be objective. Even if he is right about some facts, it does not absolve the Betrayer of everything.
[Hespyth]: Please don't stab me for saying this… but from what little you have said in this conversation, it seems to me that you are basing everything you think on what other people tell you. Why?
[Hespyth]: You seem very smart to me - why not just decide for yourself?
Velrin grinds her teeth and huffs. She briefly shoots a glare at Hespyth, but quickly turns around to let herself calm down.
Hespyth flinches at the glare.
[Sarandis]: Take what the Illidari says as… a thing someone has said. It may be true, it may not be, but it is certainly not complete. If you still hate Illidan Stormrage, then that is a decision you can make.
[Sarandis]: I have no love for the man, and I have never met him. He seems… destructive. Even if he did not destroy this place.
[Hespyth]: All right… I have said too much… I… should probably go. I forget sometimes that not everyone is Syreithe, and I cannot just… say what I think…
Sarandis reaches out a hand to Hespyth. "You can. I am doing so."
Hespyth draws back, and tugs at her ears. "I … thank you but I do not want to be touched right now."
Sarandis pulls back her hand.
[Velrin]: N-no… I know you are only trying to help. *Velrin says. There's a bit of an edge to her voice, but she sounds genuine enough.*
[Hespyth]: I just… I am not good at… I'm trying to say… you don't have to let … everyone else be a wind blowing you this way and that way… but… it is your life, not mine.
Velrin just takes in deep breath after deep breath as she lets those words sink in.
[Hespyth]: Hahaha, I am telling you what to do, telling you not to let people tell you what to do… hahahaha *She laughs a bit hysterically*
[Hespyth]: Listen to me when I tell you not to listen to anyone!!
Hespyth giggles.
[Sarandis]: And I am sorry, as well. I sometimes stabilize myself with touch. I forget others do not do the same. *Sarandis smiles a little at the joke*
[Hespyth]: Sometimes it's fine and sometimes it's… too much, it's all right.
[Velrin]: I… *Velrin tries to respond, but she can't seem to figure out what to even say.*
[Hespyth]: Anyway, I came to try to be helpful. I do not think I helped, particularly, but… today is only today, and there are many other days to come.
[Hespyth]: For now I should return to my studies before I do any further damage!
[Sarandis]: I do not think there was damage. *Sarandis looks between the two of them* But as we have said, one cannot know the future paths of our actions from the moment of the present.
[Velrin]: N-no… You didn't do anything wrong, I just… *She sighs* The past few weeks have been… *She doesn't finish the thought out loud*
[Hespyth]: There are more weeks to come. So many… who knows what they will bring? Certainly not I…
Hespyth tugs on her ears and hums a strange little song, wandering away.
[Sarandis]: Difficult, yes. For me as well. But yes, there will be more, and maybe they will be less.
[Velrin]: I think I need to go for a run… Clear my head…
[Sarandis]: I should… go as well. But if you want… *Sarandis pauses* I have a room at the inn, in the Grove, if you would ever like to talk further. Or sit in silence, but not be alone. I will be there."