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| Details |
| Author: | disknight |
| Summary: | Velrin meets with Mordecai to talk about her struggles with depression as well as catching up on some recent events. |
| Rating: | M for Mature 17+ |
Mordecai climbs up the winding spiral ramp of the tower in Dalaran at a normal pace, and he is not out of breath when he reaches the top. He is dressed in a normal shirt and vest combination - no robes today.
Velrin sits bundled up in blankets at the top of the tower. She's sipping a hot cup of tea, presumably taken from the thermos she has sitting next to her. She glances over and quietly acknowledges Mordecai when he arrives.
Mordecai comes to sit down next to her. "Hello, Velrin." He sounds a little subdued himself, but he offers her a hug.
Velrin emerges from her cocoon to wrap Mordecai in a tight hug, "Hi…" She says so faintly she can barely be heard.
Mordecai hugs her tight in return. "It's good to see you."
"Mhmm." After a minute or so Velrin lets go, "Do you want some tea?"
"Oh, um… Yes, please." Mordecai looks at the thermos.
Velrin takes another cup out from somewhere inside her blankies and pours Mordecai some piping hot tea.
Mordecai accepts the cup very carefully with both hands, breathes in the steam, and waits for it to cool down. "Thank you."
"How are you?" Velrin mumbles after a while. She seems to be almost hiding behind her cup.
"I'm tired," Mordecai says honestly. "Fighting on the Molten Front has gotten… difficult. Yesterday was the last day of my term on White Squad."
Velrin nods, "I've been very busy with the Shadow Wardens."
Mordecai looks down into his tea. "I… um… did Captain Stormrunner tell you… Leyara is finally dead?"
"I had heard…" Velrin sighs, "It seems like every victory we win comes at such a steep cost…"
Mordecai bites his lip. "Four of your sisters fell just to buy time for the Archdruids to arrive. I'm very sorry."
Velrin purses her lips and keeps sipping her tea. She opens her mouth to speak a couple times but ultimately decides against it.
Mordecai tries his tea. It's still hot, but not hot enough to burn. "This is good," he says, still looking down. "The - the tea, not. You know."
"I know…" Velrin sighs.
"It seems like… things have been difficult for you, too," Mordecai says quietly. "Is there anything specific…?"
"I… Well there was…" Velrin purses her lips and tries to think of where to start, "Ven… his father. Caspis and Shan'do Evensong finally found him… And killed him."
"Oh." Mordecai's grip around his teacup tightens. "That's… He was one of the Druids of the Flame."
Velrin nods, "Ven, he… He was sad, but not because he lost him. He was sad because this means he will never get the chance to make things right between them." Velrin frowns and shakes her head, "He's too kind…"
"Oh." Mordecai drinks some more of his tea. "I'm… sorry to hear that, then. Were things between them… very bad?"
Vel sniffles, "He didn't approve of Ven becoming a priest. They were never close. I don't think they so much as spoke for a couple hundred years until recently."
"I see." Mordecai sighs. "That seems like… a very long time to me, but it seems as though… the onus to apologize would have been on his father, not on Celaven."
Velrin huffs, "That's what I'm saying. Ven is so sweet. I don't understand what he sees in me at all…" The muscles on Velrin's forearms writhe and wiggle as she tightens her grip on her cup, "I'm so selfish… I didn't even know what to say to him. He ended up comforting me in the end…"
Mordecai blinks at her. "It can be hard to know what to say, in situations like that, but I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling pain for his loss. And I suspect that having the opportunity to comfort you may also have been a comfort for him as well."
"I always find it so, at least, when I can comfort Colson." Mordecai blushes faintly.
Velrin sighs, "All I could think to do was just hug him. He said that just being there meant a lot to him, but… I don't know. I just feel so useless sometimes…"
"I think you might need to believe him, Velrin," Mordecai says kindly. "But… I understand the feeling. Not being able to change the way your love has already suffered…"
Velrin purses her lips and whines softly, "Maybe you're right. I don't know… Things have been… Not great for me… recently…"
"I'm sorry to hear that," Mordecai says softly. He finishes his tea and sets the cup down carefully in front of him. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me about?"
Velrin shrugs, "I'm not sure what there even is to tell." Velrin gets a melancholy look, "Things had been going well for so long. I felt happy. Like I had a family again. But then recently, just… nothing feels right anymore… I should have known it wouldn't last forever…"
Mordecai looks at her sympathetically. "Do you think it's Celaven's father's death that made this happen, or you were feeling like things were off before that?"
"N-no… it's been like this for a little while now. Fortunately I've had plenty to keep me busy, so I don't have to think about it too much." Velrin shrugs.
"Who felt like a part of your family?" Mordecai asks.
"W-well Ven." Vel's tone lightens up a little, "And Nylarria and Caspis and Shan'do, a-and Larawen, and everyone."
Mordecai smiles. "Larawen is… related to Celaven as well?" He sounds unsure. "We've never met."
"She's his big sister. Oh! And Florande as well! She's a little sister he just learned about about a year or two ago. She's… another child of his father…"
Mordecai nods. "I know Florande. She's young, as kaldorei go, but she's been getting involved in world affairs early."
Velrin nods, "She reminds me a little of myself when I was her age." Velrin chuckles a little, "For better or for worse."
Mordecai smiles fondly. "She could use a big sister like you to look out for her, then."
"I hope you're right." Velrin's tone goes back down to the soft, sullen level that it was at before, "I just… I'm scared of what might happen… Once all this is over I mean. Deathwing and Ragnaros and everything."
"What might happen…?" Mordecai blinks at her. "There's a lot of things that could happen, and many of them are good. What are you afraid of?"
"I don't know, I just… I don't want to feel like this anymore." Velrin's lip starts to quiver, "I don't want to sit around feeling tired and useless and pathetic all the time… Things had been so good and I just… I'm scared." She finally starts to cry.
Mordecai holds a hand out to her. "Hold on to your family, Velrin. You've been working hard, and so have they. You're not useless or pathetic."
Velrin grips his hand tightly, "I-I'm trying, but… what if I can't? What if I just…" Velrin sputters, "I haven't tried to hurt myself in so long… I don't want to be that kind of person anymore! What if.. if I can't change?"
Mordecai makes direct eye contact. "I haven't either. You can."
Velrin does her best to suppress herself from hyperventilating, "Do you p-p-promise?"
"I promise," Mordecai says firmly. "You were happy for a while. You'll be happy again."
Velrin lurches forward to hug Mordecai. She gets out a few more sobs before she starts to settle down, "I-I hope so… It just f-felt so nice. I'm scared that it won't come back."
Mordecai wraps his arms around her and pats her back. "It will. It will, Velrin. It's all right to be scared, but if you need me to believe it for you for a little while, until it happens, I can do that."
"Thank you…" Velrin mumbles, "Ven is just so perfect… It's hard to believe that it's all real sometimes." Vel pulls Mordecai in tighter, "Do you really think that I helped him just by being there? Even if I just felt so useless and empty?"
"I do really think that." Mordecai sounds sincere. "I've been the Celaven in that sort of situation before. It helps. So much."
Velrin takes in a shakey breath, "It does feel nice just to have someone to hold when everything feels wrong, doesn't it?" Velrin breaks into a little bit of a smile.
Mordecai smiles faintly. "It does. You're right."
"Th-thank you for talking to me again." Velrin pulls away, "I just… it's all so much sometimes."
Mordecai nods. "It is. I felt… very useless myself, yesterday. I'm feeling a little better now." He gives her a small smile.
"W-we'll all get through it. Together." Velrin does her best to sound confident.
"Mmhm." Mordecai picks up the empty teacup and offers it back to her. "Thank you for asking to see me. I'm glad you did. It helped me, too."
"R-really?" Velrin tilts her head.
"Yes," Mordecai says honestly. "Having a friend like you who's been fighting the same enemies, struggling in the same heat… to know that you're tired and scared… but you're still fighting… that helps me. Also, um, the hugs, I like hugs. And it's always good to see you." He smiles, shy.
Velrin laughs softly, "If you can believe it I feel more comfortable when I'm fighting during times like this. At least then I feel like I have some control over my life." Velrin shrinks a little, worried she shared too much, "But, um, I like seeing you too. A-and hugs."
"I believe it," Mordecai says. He pats the blanket bundle. "I've met a lot of people like that, especially in the military."
Velrin nods, "It feels good to know you're making a difference."
"It does, doesn't it?" Mordecai smiles. "Is there anything else you wanted to talk about today? Otherwise… I might head home."
"Mmmmmm, I think that's all. I should really head to bed and get back to the front soon too." Velrin stands up and pulls Rul'Serrar up from where it apparently had been hiding underneath her blankies.
Mordecai nods. "Rest well, all right? En'shu falah nah."
"Del nah'dris." Velrin says with a smile.
Mordecai gives her a little finger-wave and heads back down the ramp.