(2024-03-29) Only Someone You Can See

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Author:	Alli
Summary:	Lena goes to the WEB office to consult with Elohad about her interactions with recent Old God disturbances.
Rating:	T for Teen

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discussion of altered mental state due to Old Gods

Lena Coit approaches the small WEB office in Stormwind with some clear nervousness, but she pauses before the door to take a deep breath and gain some measure of calm. She looks less like a warlock today, wearing a casual blue traveling dress. She knocks on the door, waiting for an answer.

"It's open!" calls Elo's voice from inside. A little bell tinkles as she pushes the door open. Inside, it looks as though no one completely finished unpacking. Elohad is the office's only occupant at present, and he's seated at a desk, looking through all the drawers.

Lena steps in and smiles at Elohad, moving over to sit in the chair on the other side of the desk. "Looking for something?"

"Sorry, sorry, this desk is new, and I can't find— ah, here it is." He pulls out a little clipboard and passes it to her to sign in.

"Well, that's real official," Lena says, taking it from him and carefully signing her name. She hands back the clipboard and bites the inside of her lip nervously. "I suppose you might guess why I'm here?"

"I probably should, yes," he says a bit ruefully. "But it's been a couple of Days at the House, and right now I'm not a hundred percent solid on my own middle name. So do an old man a favor and jog my memory, hm?" He gives her a warm smile.

"Well, you know, I'm meant to check in regularly, to make sure I'm not… falling?" Lena looks at him hopefully. "And I've had a bit of a week or two myself, and there's been some things got me worrying. So I wanted to make sure."

"Of course, sweetheart," he says. The endearment comes off paternal, rather than flirtatious. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"Okay, so… my squad went into this place called Ymirheim not long back, and there were saronite mines there," Lena pauses, and adds. "Again. Ben asked everybody to check with a priest or a paladin to make sure they were okay."

"Damn saronite," Elo says sympathetically, and leans forward a bit, forearms resting on the desk. "How are you feeling? Physically and mentally."

"I… I think I'm alright," Lena says with a hesitant smile. "At the time, I dismissed my demon when I started hearing things real bad, because I figured… not the time to test my will against demons, you know?"

"Good call. Having that kind of foresight is a good sign. So what things were you hearing?"

"It's… that's maybe what's got me worried?" Lena bites her lip. "It's repeat exposure. This is the third time. And it's always on the same theme."

"We should definitely talk about that, then." He leans back again, folding his arms comfortably as he watches her.

"These people aren't really your friends," Lena says, and her gaze goes a little distant. "They're going to turn on you. You got to turn on them first."

"And I know it's… it's from outside my head," Lena says, snapping back to the present. "It's not real."

Elo nods, his expression sober. "Do you think there's a grain of truth in there anywhere?" he asks, his tone mild and curious.

Lena frowns. "When I went down to Ahn'kahet, the Nerubian kingdom - we fought this one thing that turned our heads around. I saw all four of the others coming at me. They saw the same. It was… horrible. Frightening."

"But I don't think… the people I was with, they would not. Ben and Rae and Mordecai."

Elo watches her attentively. "So when you saw them come at you - were you surprised?"

Lena hesitates. "Maybe… in that first moment… it was more like 'so finally it happens'. But then, then I knew it wasn't real."

Elo frowns a little, just a flicker of an expression. "Tell me more about that first moment. Describe it in a little more detail."

Lena frowns, her brow drawing down, as she remembers. "I was scared, but then there was also a sort of relief? Like… finally the truth. But… but that was all the whispers, I think. It was just… happening like the whispers said."

"Was this the first time or the second time? You said there have been three times the whispers were messing with you and your team."

"That was the second time," Lena nods. "The first was with Ben and Rae again, the Whisper Gulch incident. That was the first time we encountered the saronite and all that."

"So you felt that sense of relief, at the truth finally coming out - relief tends to be a place the mind wants to stay. What do you think turned you back to fighting it?"

"There was… something wrong with them. They seemed… empty, to me?" Lena's brow creases further as she tries to explain. "Their eyes weren't right. That's when I knew it was all a fake. After, we all reassured each other we were real."

Elo nods again, thoughtfully. "So… back to this more recent time. Walk me through it step by step, and your thoughts as it was happening."

"Right, so we knew we were going into the saronite mines," Lena says. "So I was prepared for it this time. Ready to keep my head in my own thoughts. We went in anyway, because they had prisoners. You don't leave people to that."

He nods.

"The whispers started out almost immediately this time," Lena continues. "I would just answer them out loud. This isn't real. These are my friends. Nope."

"Nice strategy. Sometimes hearing your own voice can really firm up your thoughts."

Lena smiles, and then it falters as she continues, "Then, well… there was this thing. Like the thing we saw underground, but the Scourge had it chained up. All tentacles and no face."

Elohad shudders and leans forward onto the desk again.

"It started reaching out to us. I could feel it, but I chose not to listen," Lena says, with a little shudder of her own. "It was… tryin' to be persuasive. It got to Rae and Mordecai."

"Got to them how?"

"Sympathies, I think?" Lena frowns. "It was around when that thing turned up that I dismissed my demon. But… it used them to get free. After, it didn't do anything, just laughed and disappeared. Then they come out of it and were right horrified," Lena shakes her head. "But I guess we don't want the Scourge to have those things either, anyway?"

"Definitely not."

"Anyway, all said, this time was not so bad. No phantoms of my friends attacked me, and we did save some of the folk imprisoned in there. Real folk, Alliance folk," Lena says, with a little more confidence. "Just hard to shake what it felt like."

"So tell me this." Elo leans back again, lacing his fingers together in front of him. "Why do you think the voices say the same thing to you each time?"

Lena sits back and doesn't answer right away. When she does, the words come out slowly, like she's trying them out to see if they fit. "I think… it's going for where I'm weak. That… I have a hard time… with trust."

Elo nods, his expression approving. "That's the right answer," he says. "I needed to make sure you saw that. A person might also assume it's because they're going for what has truth in it, hm?"

"That… that would be a trap," Lena says, her jaw tightening a little. "That's the trap that would make it stick more, each time."

"That's a thing you need to watch out for with demons, or so I've been reading as I chip away at Pippinlopper's book. Demons will start with something that's true, so you trust them, and then they sort of… add to that truth, like making a foul pearl from a grain of sand. Uh, truth sand. So remember even if there is a little bit of truth in something, that doesn't mean you can trust it all the way. In some ways, your inability to trust can be a strength as well as a weakness. You just have to know when to let that skepticism run free, hm?"

Lena's eyes widen a little. "Oh. It's been so long, I didn't even think… my succubus. She was all on the same track, always trying to point out how people didn't appreciate me or didn't value me. Not straight out they'll turn on you, but…"

Lena shakes her head. "I don't summon her much anymore, or let her talk when I do."

"Very wise. I've heard that those things can be among the most dangerous, for the very reason that they seem the most friendly and sympathetic. Never forget that their primary purpose for existing is to cause torment and pain. They're patient. They'll play a long game to maximize that pain if they must."

Lena nods seriously. "I won't forget. If I weren't in control, they would not be so friendly or sympathetic seeming."

Elo nods firmly. "Good. That's the right way of thinking."

"So back to the Old Gods nonsense…" He scratches at his neatly-trimmed beard. "I find when you're in a situation where the lines of reality start getting hazy, it helps to have set up very firm rules beforehand that you promise to stick to no matter what."

"Rules, okay," Lena tilts her head. "What kind?"

"Stuff like, 'Don't take orders from anyone I can't see. Ever.' Or… 'Anyone on a Cobalt Squad is my ally. No matter what it looks like.' Then if your feelings start overwhelming you in the field, you can just remember you made these promises to yourself when you were certain of things. You can trust your past self even if you trust nothing else around you."

"No orders from anyone I can't see," Lena nods. "Anyone on Cobalt Squad's my ally… and, oh! I got an idea. What if we set up a code word?"

"Oh, code words are good. What kind of thing did you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking, some kind of exchange of words to know if they're real or a fake. Like if I say 'pumpkin' you answer 'pie' or something, and I'd know it's really you and not an empty thing." Lena smiles. "That's sort of how we did it, that second time. Except it was just 'say something to convince me you're really you'."

"Perfect." He grins. "Now the thing to remember about these rules is that they are only for when you're confused. Nothing is always true, so if you have time to reason something out that goes against those rules, I'm talking days or weeks… then maybe they don't apply. Maybe the Old Gods got to one of your squad members and they're starting to turn, and you can observe this over a period of time, for example. But in those moments when your mind is mush - you need those hard railings to hold. Anything that is true ninety-nine percent of the time - you can just cling to that and memorize it and hold onto it when you lose the rest of your mind."

Lena nods firmly. "It's for when you don't have time to think, got it. When something's messing with you yourself. Long-term if something were happening to a friend, or even if it were happening to me, we'd have time to sort it out."

"Yep. The time to question things is when you are one hundred percent clear headed, when you have other uninvolved people to confer with, et cetera. It's a lot like the 'always obey your superior officer in battle' rule. In this case, the rules are like internal superior officers. But in between battles, now's the time to question what your captain may have done."

"I can get that," Lena smiles. "I think that'll help. And after the fact, we can reflect, discuss."

"Yep. And the simpler the rules, the better. Something you can understand even when you can't remember much else. That's what I like about the 'only someone you can see' rule. A child could understand that one. Obviously there are bad things you can see, that you shouldn't trust, but it's almost never okay to follow the orders of some… random voice or whisper. Heh. That rule has saved me a time or three. Because sometimes they've said things I really wanted to follow, and I just remind myself, it doesn't matter what it's saying if I can't see the speaker."

"Right, it'd be easy no matter how confused I am. The whispers are always suspect," Lena lets out a breath. "So even if it's saying stuff I agree with, I don't listen."

"Exactly. Later, once the voices stop, you can think about it and decide if what it said was true or not. Preferably comparing notes with others. And that's another key thing here. If you feel yourself withdrawing from others, not wanting to talk… that's when you need to talk most."

"I think that's good for people in general, maybe doubly-so for warlocks. It's easy to get mixed up in your own head, if you don't consult with somebody else."

"Yep. And demons and other evil things know that. They'll try to isolate you. That, I think, is why these Old God whispers are focusing so much on telling squad people they can't trust each other. They see the strength you have as a group, and that's the first thing that has to go."

"That makes sense, I think. We're a squad because we're stronger together, and it wants to make us weaker."

"Bingo." He smiles warmly. "So how are you feeling about it all now?"

Lena smiles. "Better, I think. I was sort of dreading this, that maybe you'd say I was just compromised too much, the end. But I think I feel better. More tools to handle it, next time. And I suspect there will be a next time."

"They need to try to weaken you. Because you're a threat. Remember that. You are a threat to evil. Hm?"

"I am. So maybe I should see it as… I'm doing something right. Or they wouldn't try to stop me."

"And never dread coming to us. The sooner you do it, the better we can help you. That's what we're here for. It's not an on or off switch; it’s not ‘you're corrupted or not corrupted’. It's a process, and it can be halted anywhere along the way if you're willing. That's what I believe, anyway."

"Yes, sir. And I'm for certain sure willing," Lena smiles again, letting out a breath. "Oh, and I should say I did, after the first time. Not somebody WEB, but Confessor Greennote looked me over."

"Perfect. Doesn't have to be WEB. That reminds me, I was gonna try and snag him for WEB as well… But anyway, anyone you know to be right and good will do in a pinch."

Lena nods. "And second time Paluuva was there, so I figured she'd speak up if there was a problem."

"Yep. The advantage of WEB is that we can keep long term records, track your progress over time, so you'll get a clearer picture. But any port in a storm. Just remember you are never alone, no matter what happens."

"I won't forget," Lena says with a touch of relief. "You are my friends, whatever any whisper says."

Elohad beams a smile at her, eyes crinkling at the corners. "I'm glad you know that.”