(2023-12-15) You Won't Have to Act

Details

Author:	Alli
Summary:	Sil stops by the Hero's Welcome to catch up with his long-time friend Ismene Hazan, and to talk about his place in the world.
Rating:	T for Teen

It's afternoon in Dalaran, still comfortable enough in the city despite the shift towards a frigid winter elsewhere in Northrend. It's a good thing, too, or the brown-haired young man heading over toward the suites in the Hero's Welcome might've been uncomfortable.

Sil Silentstep has cleaned up and is wearing clothing considerably more fashionable than his camping pajamas. In simple black shoes, well-fitted black pants and a purple silken shirt, he does not look ready for combat, despite the daggers still sheathed at his waist. His hair is, for once, tidily combed, and the definition around his eyes hints that he's wearing at least eyeliner. He hums softly as he makes his way to one particular door and gives a brisk knock.

A moment passes before Ismene opens the door. She's holding a small white cat when she does, potentially to keep it from escaping. Again. She seems a little confused when she opens the door, but that clears into an expression of delight when she sees who her visitor is. "Sil!" she exclaims, attempting a one-armed hug while Hattie squirms in her other.

"Mizzy!" Sil exclaims in response, with much the same emotional content, and does his best to return the hug without getting cat-claws hooked in his nice silk shirt. "This a good time? I thought I'd come by and see how you were doing - I'm sort of living in Dalaran now, too."

"Of course," she says, stepping back. "Come in, come in. It's so good to see you! Look how fashionable you look." She laughs, but not unkindly. When he's in, she shuts the door behind him and lets go of Hattie who sprints away and under the nearest piece of low furniture.

The room is fitted with options; there's a pair of chairs, one with Mizzy's folding desk sitting next to it, a pair of desks for more intensive working and chairs for both of those, one sized for a large human, one for not-Ben. Doors, closed now, lead to other chambers. She gestures. "Have a seat. Are you hungry? Thirsty? I can have something brought up.

"Oh, I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble," Sil says with his usual grin, taking a seat in the chair without a folding desk next to it. He sits down a little more carefully than he used to, more a measured movement than a casual flop. "I've just been, you know, settling in, figuring out how I fit here. You and Ben fitting in alright?"

Ismene sits opposite him, and does plop down. Her skirts, a pretty flowered gauze over yellow silk, bell out momentarily as though sighing at her lack of decorum. "Oh, Ben's always busy with squad things. They were camping out for awhile, actually, and of course he's rarely…" She pauses. "He rarely can just leave things behind. You know. He always feels responsible and if things are left undone, he'll often return to help where he can."

"Yeah, sounds like Ben," Sil shakes his head and smiles with obvious affection. "I know he was worried about being a good squad leader, and he takes that stuff really seriously. Sounds like they're getting into some neat stuff up in the Storm Peaks. Half of me thinks I ought to be up there with them, but the other half…" Sil trails off, and then starts again. "So you're pretty much here on you own, yeah? Making a lot of mage-type friends? I've only been here about a month, was camping myself out in Sholazar before that."

"Whyever were you camping out? I know it's warm there…" She jumps a little. "Oh! Ben arranged for us to renew our vows there. Mordecai did the ceremony, just the three of us. We were up on one of those giant pillar things, with a little sort of lake at the top." She considers. "Well, not really lake. Some water, and an island in the middle."

"Oh yeah?" Sil brightens, leaning toward Mizzy. "Sounds like the place Ben and I found when he came to visit. Hell of a place, isn't it, with all the architecture and everything? I bet that was beautiful."

"It wasn't the same without our Best Man of Honor, but it was beautiful. It's an amazing place; a jungle in the middle of so much ice! But tell me, why were you camping out? Did you not want to stay in the city?" She curls her feet onto her chair and leans toward him a little.

"It was just…" Sil's smile falters, but he doesn't look away from Mizzy. "After Wrathgate, I sort of fell apart for a while? And I thought I'd be alright, I thought I could handle it, and I joined Ben on squad in Zul'drak, and… I don't know. It was hard, being on a team again. Wondering if things were gonna go bad again. And then there were Forsaken alchemists on our side, and… I just wanted to get away, you know? From everything."

"Wrathgate," Mizzy echoes, sitting back again. She looks at her memories for a moment. "Yes, I can understand how that… But you always did marvelously in a squad, of course. Ben always said so." She smiles a little wryly. "Poor Ben. He always wanted the three of us to stay together. I often feel bad for abandoning him, but I just wasn't cut out for it, I'm afraid. Have you been feeling any better, then, that you're in the city now?"

"You didn't abandon him, you're still here, yeah?" Sil smiles again, glancing around at the domestic room. "And the whole vows renewing thing. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it, either, in the end. I mean, I did the whole 7th Legion thing for a little while, and I thought that was working out. And in Cobalt, I think I did alright, it's just…" Sil shakes his head. "It was good when Ben came out to visit, like old times almost. But I think I was hiding out there. 'Nother friend came by to sort of give me a kick, too, which is why I came back. And I think I feel better? I feel… cleaner, I guess, for sure."

"Cleaner," Mizzy muses. "An apt way of putting it, really. And you can hardly blame yourself for not wanting to do squad work after Wrathgate! That changed a lot of people, even Ben. I know he'd love to have you around, if you wanted to work with the squads again. He trusts you."

"I'm around," Sil says, shifting in his chair a little. "I'm easy to reach, if I'm needed. And maybe yeah? Maybe I could do that again someday. But not till I'm sure I've got my sh…tuff together." Sil leans forward again, an elbow on one knee, and adds more quietly, "I figure, maybe I got a little too far away from Sil Sullivan, you know? Maybe Silentstep's just as much an act, in some ways. I'm just… not sure exactly where just-Sil falls in all this, if you get what I mean."

"Like sometimes you don't even know who 'Sil' is?" she guesses. "That must be a hard thing to decide. How do you even find that out, I wonder? I suppose just time. You're a good friend, you're true, funny and clever, kind… but I don't know that any of that is the right answer. Or even if there is one."

"There's got to be, though, doesn't there?" Sil says, his brow furrowing slightly. "I have to be someone and it can't just be whoever it is I'm trying to be at the moment, can it? I don't know, maybe that's all there is, but… also, thanks. That's maybe not how I would've described myself, but… thanks." Sil sits back up a little, with a grin and a little self-deprecating chuckle. "And you know how I see you, I hope. Ismene Hazan, shy and sweet and with a steel spine that won't let anything stop her from doing whatever needs doing if it helps somebody."

She colors prettily. "Oh, well, spine… It's really just a matter of being able to fill a need, isn't it? I'm lucky that way; everything I am is absolutely obvious. Healer, yes, and manager of the orchards. Organizing. I like who I was brought up to be. Even with terrible parents, they did something right. You never really were interested in shipping, I thought. So you're starting from scratch!"

"Yeah, not really, not shipping," Sil smiles at her. "I thought about it, though, going back. Not 'cause I want to run a shipping company, but 'cause they're my parents, and they lost Sylvie and Simon and… I just have to remind myself that I changed my name for a reason. The reason was so I'd always remember to not do that, and maybe I should trust what I felt then over what I feel now." Sil shakes his head. "Anyway, I wasn't brought up for the shipping company, not like you were for the orchards. I was brought up to be educated a certain way, to know how to talk a certain way, and dance, and write calligraphy, and have appropriate opinions and appropriate hobbies. And I threw all that away on purpose when I ran away from home. Then I met you and Ben, and then you and Ben started trying to pick all that stuff up and… I don't know. Maybe it's like you said, even with terrible parents, maybe not everything they gave me was wrong."

Mizzy laughs. "The only thing I tried to pick up from the two of you was cursing. And I'm terrible at it, so maybe that's a lesson. You still have some of that, you know. The grace and manners, even when you try not to." She cocks her head and considers. "I suppose the question is who do you want to be? Not what, but who? Maybe you could try a sailor's life. You're very swashbuckling as it is."

"A sailor?" Sil laughs. "Maybe. I could see gettin' a parrot on my shoulder. I've never really sailed, though, 'cept as a passenger. I could give it a try. I'm open to give anything a try, really. But Cobalt… Cobalt's been the most constant thing in my life, since I left home. I wouldn't want to leave, or at least not for good." Sil raises one hand to his tidy hair and adds, "Lately I've just been trying to fit in here, with the Kirin Tor and all the elves and everything. I'm no mage, but you'd be surprised how far you can get just looking and acting like you belong."

"But when you find where you belong, you won't have to act," Mizzy says quietly. "But! I'm delighted you're here, and you must visit often. Ben will be glad to see you too, of course. You're his best friend. And you'll always have a place in Cobalt! You could help them in other ways. Logistics are always annoying. Cobalt will just say, "We'll be staying over here for two weeks, we'll need supplies" and then suddenly there we are, trying to find how to get pack mules halfway into nowhere, or trying to fly in tents and food for two weeks into the wilderness."

"For sure, yeah, I'd love to see you a lot while I'm here! And Ben, too, when he's in town. I'd love to hear what's going on with the titan stuff up in the mountains and all that. I guess the two weeks in the wilderness was the latest one, yeah?" Sil falls silent for a moment, then says, "Not sure if I could be useful with logistics - that'd be more up my brother or sister's alley, if they were still with us. Maybe the more… remote stuff? I'm good at wilderness - finding the right paths, finding the right people."

"Scouting," Ismene says. "That's what you did for the 7th, right? You were a scout? There's always a call for those. Look at how much trouble they're having trying to find a path to Icecrown. You wouldn't have to be in front-line fighting, you know."

"You don't think?" Sil's expression brightens. "I mean, not that I wouldn't… of course… I wouldn't want to let folk down or anything but… yeah. I liked being a scout. And maybe, like… I can do that in cities too. Like here in Dalaran, I've been making friends. If Cobalt needed somebody of a particular skill or a particular faction, I could probably make a path there, too."

"Of course you would, but you don't have to," Mizzy says firmly. "You won't catch me in any front-line units ever again, I can tell you that much. I'm much better in the tents behind a battle line. That's where I belong, as a healer. It's not much different for you. And there are plenty of times when I need to find someone who can do something, and I don't know how to find them! I just have to ask and ask and ask. Now I'll just come to you. Like when I need 20 pack mules," she says, laughing.

Sil laughs with her. "I'm no expert on pack mules, but I bet if I asked…" he pauses, blinking, and amends that to, "Okay, point taken, you can just come to me. I can get stuff like that sorted. Maybe that's a good place to start, then. Not with 20 pack mules, but with logistics. I'll stick around Dalaran, keep meeting people, and whenever you need something, you can always send me a note. And if you need a scout, I'm here for that too. And I'll see if it doesn't feel like acting. How's that sound?"

"You're my guy," Ismene says, delighted. "Like in the stories. I know a guy. You're the guy I know."

Sil laughs again, and nods. "Yeah, I can do that, a different sort of storybook hero. I'll be the guy you know."