(2023-07-28) Mother's Worry

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Author:	Disknight
Summary:	Anareline meets with Fyrdriel to help talk her through the loss of her shalan and what she should do to help Velrin.
Rating:	T for Teen

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Fyrdriel Oceansong makes her way across Wintergarde Keep. She seems a bit less on edge then she’s been the past few weeks, but still rather troubled. She looks around as she walks as if looking for someone.

Given by the way she straightens as Fyrdriel walks by, that someone is likely the silent kaldorei leaning against a nearby wall. She's in close-fitting armor, but wearing no helm, her dark blue hair loose down her back. She raises one hand as the other woman walks by, and says, "Commander Oceansong?"

Fyrdriel flags her down, "Anareline." She strides over to her, a slightly nervous smile on her face, "It's been a long time."

Ana inclines her head. "It has. I heard you wanted to speak with me. Should we go somewhere more… private?"

"If we could that would be ideal." She nods, "My office perhaps?"

"You have an office?" Ana raises one eyebrow, and then takes a breath. "Commander. I suppose you would, at a major Alliance stronghold. Yes, I will follow you there."

"Just a tent. Nothing to make much of a fuss over." Fyrdriel motions in the direction of her tent, "Please, this way."

Ana nods and follows Fyrdriel in the direction of her tent. "In regards to what this is about, I should tell you my experience of motherhood has been entirely in this latest millenium, and I have not been a flawless parent."

"Perhaps." Fyrdriel says calmly, "But you can't be doing any worse than I."

"Well, we shall see," Ana gives a faint smile. "In any case, if there's any help I can give you, I will."

Fyrdriel looks relieved, "Thank you…"

The two keep walking until they come up to Fyrdriel's tent. She holds the flap open for Anareline to step in.

Anareline steps under the flap and glances around for a place to sit.

The small room is modestly adorned with weapons. There are two seats on either side of a desk as well as a mistsaber who raises her head when Ana enters.

"Please have a seat." Fyrdriel follows after Anareline.

Ana meets the mistsaber's eyes and nods greeting, then takes a seat on one side of the desk. "What seems to be the trouble, exactly?"

Fyrdriel takes her time in going to her seat as well, “Well to begin… Haladar…” Her voice is already starting to catch, “I-I do not know if he told you but he came to Northrend as well and he… he…” Her eyes well up.

Ana goes still for a moment, staring at Fyrdriel. "He's in Northrend?"

"He was… lost… at the Wrathgate…" She manages to finish.

Ana closes her eyes and bows her head for a moment. "I grieve for your loss. We lost too many good people."

"Too true…" She does her best to keep a brave face for Ana.

"Sometimes the cost of misplaced trust is just too high," Ana says, with a heaviness in her voice. "My partner was there as well, but he returned to me."

Fyrdriel glances down at the floor, "That is good to hear." She puts on a joyless smile, "These past few years it feels as if my luck has finally completely run out."

Ana's frowns deepens. "Is there more? I think that would be enough for the feeling, but the way you said it… the last few years?"

"I had longed for a child ever since Haladar and I met, but now…" She slumps forward and puts her head in her hands, "I don't know what to do…"

"Now that time has passed," Ana says, leaning over to place one hand on her shoulder. "I am sorry for it, for your sake."

Fyrdriel sobs gently, "Ten thousand years and not once did Elune see fit to bless me." She says almost bitterly.

Ana hesitates, considering her words. "For that alone, we do still have some millenia left. My children… were not by my shalan. Nor his by me. And it was over nine thousand years, when it happened."

Fyrdriel sighs, “Perhaps you’re right… But it is so hard to imagine a future without him… he was everything to me.” She takes her head up out of her hands to look Ana in the eyes, “He saved my little sister. He was always there to calm me when I worried. And now it’s as if a piece of me has been ripped out.”

"A piece of you has been ripped out," Ana says gently. "But you are still here, and it is up to you to decide what will happen next."

Fyrdriel looks back down, “If only I knew what I should do next.” She shakes her head, “I thought I was at a loss before, and now…”

Anareline watches her quietly. "You said you had something of a parenting concern? But it was not concerning conception, I did not think."

“No. Only Elune could have helped me in that regard.” She taps her foot nervously, “After the Third War and we lost our immortality I started to worry more about my future. Haladar knew how much having a child meant to me so he supported me when I tried to take a young orphan under my wing.”

"Ah," Ana says, nodding slowly. "So this is about an adopted child."

“Not… exactly…” She says somewhat embarrassed, “You knew Tenniria Silverbloom, correct? I believe you trained her.”

"Tenniria Silver…" Ana trails off. "Yes, I did, though I was sorry to hear she passed away. From her… daughter." Ana shoots a questioning glance at Fyrdriel.

Fyrdriel raises her eyebrows, “You know Velrin?”

"I have, at least, spoken to her several times," Anareline says, leaving it up to the listener whether that constitutes knowing or not. "She is in charge of a small company here, isn't she?"

“Sh-she is! She is one of my captains.” Fyrdriel says a little excitedly.

"And is your adopted daughter?" Ana asks.

“She- no…” Fyrdriel’s ears droop, “I like to think of her as one, but… I was too afraid to be so bold.”

"I see," Ana considers this new information in silence for a moment. "But there's something about her, then, that is concerning you?"

“Yes.” She leans forward on her desk, “I feel like I’ve tried everything. I remember seeing her face when she heard the news of her parents’ deaths. She was so sad… so angry… so eager to fight, to do anything that might honor their memory.” She sighs, “When she begged me to let her join the Sentinels… just a scared 22 year old girl… I hadn’t the heart to turn her away…”

"Twenty-two is… young. But still grown. Old enough not to need another to make her decisions for her." Ana sighs. "Even if she were your own daughter, her choices would not be yours to make. You could have stopped her, as a commanding officer, but it would only have pushed her away from you."

“I know… And I’ve done everything I could think of to try and help her. I gave her a post, a command, special assignments.” She gestures as she lists, “Anything that might give her some new sense of purpose in life. Responsibilities that might help her move on, but none of it works.” She slumps down, “She just recently came back from being missing… and a number of Forsaken have gone missing as well I hear…”

Ana's expression grows more serious. "You say you gave her. Do you think she may feel she has not earned these things? Or do her subordinates feel she has not earned these things? I am not casting doubt on her ability as a warrior, it is only that… sometimes people do not value as highly things that are handed to them. They may…. abandon them, for instance, to chase things that they do value."

Fyrdriel crosses her brow, “I would never have given her the position had I thought she was not prepared for it.” Her expression saddens, “Though her other sisters, however… She may be strong and capable but when she came to me she was still very immature. Not to mention that all of the others are from Darkshore and many knew one another as children. Velrin was not exactly met with open arms here…”

"You said it again - you gave it to her," Ana sounds almost apologetic. "That must have set the tone. And starting with that tone, placing her above people who already shared a bond. I fear you did her a disservice."

“I only gave her-“ she catches herself, “She earned that command! She has her fair share of leadership experience from one of her special assignments. She was called upon by the Bronze Dragonflight!” Fyrdriel gets a bit heated and defensive, “And what was I supposed to do? Turn her away and let her run off on her own and get killed?”

"She and I spoke of that mission…" Ana pauses again, studying Fyrdriel's angry face but not seeming concerned by it. "It is not a happy memory for her. She spent her maturing years among people who were promptly ripped away from her by a gulf of time. That may have been a leadership experience, but it is one drowned in yet more grief. And then, to have yet another leader's role handed to her, over people she did not even know… I think we established you should not have turned her away, but you must see how you isolated her."

“But surely it was better than doing nothing?” Fyrdriel pleads, “I had women asking me to dismiss her before she went on that mission. She was crying herself to sleep every night. She needs this. It’s all she has left anymore. I had to find some way to convince them to respect her, didn’t I?” She searches for Ana’s approval.

"Trying to help someone who is alone in the world is always better than doing nothing," Ana says, and there is comfort in her tone, if not approval. "And I believe you, that she needed something. Needs something. But that kind of respect, it cannot be ordered. Do you not think it could have been better, if they could have accepted her as an equal? It's true that she may have failed to earn their respect, but our children are allowed to fail."

Fyrdriel hangs her head in silence, “I can’t bear to see her hurt any longer.”

"Not all pain is avoidable, and if we would love someone, we choose to bear it," Ana says, reaching a hand to place over Fyrdriel's.

There's a brief pause, and then Ana seems to come to a decision on what to say. "I have made my share of mistakes. My daughter wanted to be a Sentinel, and I forbade it. She became one anyway, and I did not speak to her for five hundred years. That fault is mine. The years passed so quickly, and… I believed she would reach out to me eventually. Now, I am trying to mend that break, but she lost her shalan at Hyjal. A woman I will never know. I do hate to see her in pain, and I wish that I could help her bear it somehow. I cannot, but I will love her, and I will not leave her so long alone again. Whether Velrin suffers or not isn't something you can control - you can only control whether you leave her alone in it."

Fyrdriel takes a deep breath and smiles ruefully, “Too true, Anareline.” She pauses herself, “I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I didn’t know.”

"You had no reason to know," Ana says, not unkindly. "Regarding Velrin, my advice would be to think of what she needs, and what you might do for her. It sounds to me as if she does not value her leadership position, so perhaps more responsibility is not what she needs."

“What she needs is friends and family. And I fear I am a poor substitute for both.” Fyrdriel says with an air of frustration. “She only has two real friends that I know of. Some human girl who has been too busy with her own life to watch Velrin and,” something clicks in her brain, “Your son, actually… Though I hear their friendship is somewhat strained now.”

"Celaven, yes. They were briefly lovers. That does sometimes complicate friendship." Ana smiles for a moment, and adds, "If she were a child you could organize play dates, but I'm not sure how to encourage a grown woman to make friends."

“Neither am I…” Fyrdriel slouches back, “She’s so convinced that everyone hates her, it’s hard to get through.”

"That does sound difficult," Ana frowns. "And it strikes me as a self-perpetuating problem. If she constantly pushes people away, then… well, they will be pushed away."

Fyrdriel nods, “One of her highborne lieutenants went missing with her. I was surprised to see them return together. She never even speaks about her time working on the Cobalt Company strike team.”

"Cobalt," Ana gives a brief exhale of a laugh. "Almost every member of my family is part of that company. From what I have seen, she could certainly find companionship there, if she looked for it."

“I don’t doubt it, but of course we cannot make her do so.” Fyrdriel eyes Ana.

"No," Ana agrees. "If I have learned one thing, it is that I cannot control others. Not even when I want to for what I see as their own benefit."

“I would say that I did not come here to be taught such a bitter lesson, but that is not exactly true is it?” Fyrdriel says equal parts vexed and amused.

"I will give you any help I can," Ana says with a sad smile, "But I cannot make the world anything other than what it is. And perhaps it would not be a better world, if we were able to control one another."

“Perhaps not.” Fyrdriel reluctantly agrees.

"Do you think you have a clearer idea of what you might do?" Ana asks.

“I am not sure yet… However I do have much to think about.” Fyrdriel replies.

"If you decide that you would like to talk anything over, you may always write to me. I may not be in Wintergarde much longer, but I will answer."

“I’ll remember that. Thank you.” Fyrdriel offers a hand to Ana.

Ana reaches out to take it.