(2023-07-07) Chapter IX: Razorfen Revenge (Cobalt Blade)

Details

Author:	OzmaAsimov
Summary:	Kreebo Mizzyrix offers the Cobalt Blade a job…and some payback against his scheming brothers.
Rating:	T for Teen

Arc: The Cobalt Blade

The Cobalt Blade gathers at the Razorfen Downs.

Zaara thanks Arthur.

[Thalstan]: Alright, ready ta cheat those cheaters?

Vesyllah bows before Arthur.

Vesyllah bows her head reverently to Arthur as she accepts the Gift of Water. "Shaha lor'ma dula Luvas'alith."

[Tadget]: Always ready.

[Arthur]: oh, I found a lockbox.

[Vesyllah]: I've been here for a bit, but…so far no sign of this Strauss guy.

Tadget flexes at Thalstan. Oooooh so strong!

[Zaara]: They will pay the taxes of betraying!

Tadget peers at Arthur searchingly.

[Tadget]: Ooh nice one Zaara.

[Arthur]: Tadget, would you open it?

[Tadget]: Course.

[Arthur]: Oh hey, boots!

Tadget giggles at Arthur.

[Zaara]: Boots!

Arthur holds up a pair of [Dervish Boots of the Eagle].

[Thalstan]: So, we had a contact in th' thorns somewhere.

[Thalstan]: Shall we get to it?

[Arthur]: yeah.

[Zaara]: Yes! Get to it!

Tadget starts to charge.

[Vesyllah]: But I did find what looked like tracks heading in there. Definitely not quilboar. Possibly human.

[Tadget]: Ooooh.

[Thalstan]: Then Vengeance you've got our trail?

[Zaara]: On the trail of Wengeance!

[Vesyllah]: I'm no great tracker. But I think he may have gone in ahead of us.

[Tadget]: Good ghostdoggy.

Razorfen Battleguard attempts to run away in fear!

[Vesyllah]: If we find that contact, they may know more.

Razorfen Battleguard attempts to run away in fear!

[Thalstan]: Let's look around, an' fight quilboar.

Razorfen Thornweaver attempts to run away in fear!

[Thalstan]: Th' second thing does no'

[Thalstan]: seem ta be an option.

[Thalstan]: Mandatory quilboar fightin'.

[Vesyllah]: The compass-thingy says she's relatively straight ahead.

[Thalstan]: Straight ahead it is!

Razorfen Battleguard attempts to run away in fear!

[Vesyllah]: I am vengeance!

Razorfen Thornweaver attempts to run away in fear!

[Tadget]: Yeah, there was at least at some point an infestation of undead in these parts.

[Thalstan]: Undead?

[Zaara]: Ah. This is smell, yes.

[Vesyllah]: Greeeeat.

Razorfen Battleguard attempts to run away in fear!

[Tadget]: Cobalt took care of it a couple years back but I guess that kinda smell lingers.

[Thalstan]: It seems like Duskwood followed us here.

[Tadget]: No idea what we'll find here, honestly. No one has checked in in a while.

[Tadget]: Who would want to.

[Thalstan]: These ones are def'nitely alive.

[Thalstan]: They bleed like proper creatures.

Thalstan pauses. "Did it just get… darker?"

Vesyllah points over yonder.

[Vesyllah]: This way.

[Zaara]: I don't know!

[Tadget]: The thorns are super thick up above. Light can't get in.

[Thalstan]: Into th' darkness. Sure.

[Vesyllah]: Face the agony of your sins!

[Tadget]: Sinful pigs.

[Zaara]: SINFUL PIGS!

Thalstan waves at Myriam Moonsinger.

Mariel Starsong puts a finger to her lips and beckons them close.

[Thalstan]: Kaldorei! Mus' be our contact.

[Thalstan]: We're the Cobalt Blade, ma'am.

Mariel Starsong says: Who sent you?

Tadget puts a finger to her lips at Thalstan, but with an exclamation point.

Thalstan considers. "Who might you be, ma'am? Jus' to make sure we're meetin' the righ' person."

[Tadget]: *whispers* Thalstan, do you even have an inside voice?

Mariel Starsong eyes them warily, holding her staff defensively. But sizing up her options, she nods. "My name is Mariel Starsong."

Thalstan blinks at Tadget. "Inside yeh've got ta speak up, on account o' the forge."

Tadget smothers a giggle.

[Thalstan]: Mariel Starsong, is it? Then we're the Cobalt Blade, come on behalf o' Kreebo.

[Vesyllah]: Kreebo Mizzyrix sent us. You work for him, don't you?

Mariel Starsong says: I see. Show me the compass.

Vesyllah glances to the others, then holds up the compass Kreebo sent them.

Mariel Starsong says: Good, and it's about time Kreebo sent someone. Strauss got impatient and entered Razorfen Downs on his own. It was all I could do to distract the quilboar as he was sneaking past. He isn't as subtle as he thinks.

[Thalstan]: He went in alone? That doesnae sound like a good plan.

Mariel Starsong says: Unfortunately, my actions seem to have put the quilboar on alert, and they're numbers out here have tripled. You won't get in there without a fight.

Mariel Starsong says: He's supposedly brilliant…but clearly doesn't have a lot of actual sense.

[Thalstan]: I can see that.

[Thalstan]: So we need ta clear out the quilboars so we can get into the Downs?

[Tadget]: Didn't they say he was a mage or something?

Mariel Starsong nods to Thalstan. "You'll have to at least cut your way through, yes."

[Vesyllah]: Yeah, Kreebo's letter said he's a mage.

[Tadget]: Brilliant and with no sense describes most mages, no offense, Art.

Vesyllah smirks.

Mariel Starsong says: One more thing: Your company once routed the Scourge from this place, but there are some undead lingering. Nerubians, especially. They probably burrowed to hide from your predecessors.

[Thalstan]: Art's got a team ta keep him safe if he goes off the mage-end.

Mariel Starsong says: You'll want to deal with them, or they'll ambush you at the first chance.

[Tadget]: Nerubians???

[Thalstan]: Those're the spider folk, yes?

Mariel Starsong nods grimly. "That's right."

[Tadget]: Man, I can't get away from bug-creatures, it seems.

Mariel Starsong says: There's a gong down there. The quilboar use it to call the nerubians. Ring it and they'll come. Just be prepared when you do; they'll send scouts and warriors ahead of their leader.

[Thalstan]: I've seen sketches. *Thal shakes his head* Nasty-lookin' creatures.

[Tadget]: You're gonna love 'em.

[Tadget]: Ves especially.

[Vesyllah]: I've never seen one in person. They sound fascinating.

[Tadget]: I saw some in the plaguelands. Yikes!

[Zaara]: I have never seen one!

[Thalstan]: Well, I bet they die as sure as other… undead… things. They do die, right?

[Tadget]: And you never will, Booty.

[Tadget]: Lucky you.

[Zaara]: I never will!

Zaara beams.

[Tadget]: They do die, yes.

Vesyllah nods. "Let's get to it. I'm excited," she says completely deadpan.

[Tadget]: They make crunchy sounds when you squish em.

[Arthur]: How perfectly bloodthirsty.

[Tadget]: They uh, do not smell great, though.

[Thalstan]: So first we need ta clear the path.

[Tadget]: Lemon squeezy.

Razorfen Battleguard attempts to run away in fear!

Razorfen Thornweaver attempts to run away in fear!

Death's Head Cultist attempts to run away in fear!

[Vesyllah]: I am vengeance!

[Thalstan]: They were no' kiddin'.

[Thalstan]: Quilboar everywhere!

[Vesyllah]: Elune, smite this Razorfen Battleguard with your punishing light!

[Vesyllah]: Does anyone else want bacon?

[Tadget]: These guys are enough to put me OFF bacon.

[Thalstan]: Heh, they are no' the most appetizing o' pigs.

Thalstan nods at Tadget.

Death's Head Cultist attempts to run away in fear!

Razorfen Thornweaver attempts to run away in fear!

[Thalstan]: I think that's cleared the way. Should we head on in?

[Tadget]: Yep.

[Arthur]: This place is a maze!

Tadget flexes her muscles. Oooooh so strong!

[Thalstan]: Mariel, we cleared the way. Headin' in.

Mariel Starsong says: You certainly live up to your reputation, Blade. Aye, better hurry into the Downs before the quilboar regroup.

Tadget nods at Myriam Moonsinger.

Tadget starts to charge.

[Thalstan]: We will. Take care, ma'am.

[Tadget]: I'm still amazed at the brilliance of Ference arranging us by height.

[Thalstan]: That fella doesnae miss a trick.

[Vesyllah]: Sorry…arranging us by height?

[Tadget]: You know, in battle, there aren't a bunch of short folks trying to look over tall people's heads.

[Arthur]: how did he find one of every race in the alliance, with compatible skills, who are also total smoke shows? It’s like magic.

[Tadget]: Right?

[Tadget]: And what Art said.

[Zaara]: Smoke shows?

[Tadget]: Means we're hot. Sexy.

[Thalstan]: Looks like th' thorns get thornier here on out.

[Tadget]: So hot we make smoke.

[Zaara]: Oh!

[Zaara]: Cobalt Smoke Show.

Tadget giggles at Zaara.

[Thalstan]: Just one way ta go.

Vesyllah tooks to the right. "Looks like there was a passage beyond all those brambles."

[Arthur]: i think i'm supposed to say "except for me, i'm the homely one" but that would be annoyingly overmodest.

[Tadget]: Everyone knows you're hot.

Withered Spearhide goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: When erryone's hot, no call for modesty.

[Tadget]: I've never been one for modesty, myself.

[Zaara]: I know that everyone here is hot even though I am blind because that is how much hot everyone is.

[Tadget]: Right?

Thalstan nods at Zaara, who can't see it.

[Zaara]: Also I can sense everyone is spiritually hot.

[Thalstan]: Yeh can feel it.

[Tadget]: I'm spiritually hot? Nice.

[Thalstan]: I'm goin' ta see if I can trick these ones into comin' round the corner at us.

[Zaara]: Did it work?

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Spearhide goes into a frenzy!

Withered Warrior goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Ugh, blood spattered on the wall.

[Thalstan]: Think that's from the last time Cobalt came through?

[Tadget]: Whoa.

[Tadget]: That's badass.

[Vesyllah]: Huh…kinda looks like a cave painting…with blood.

[Thalstan]: They were serious.

[Zaara]: What is bada— oh.

[Tadget]: Soooo much blood.

[Thalstan]: Who was it? Oranna Stormbreaker and somebody or other?

[Tadget]: Um, I can't recall. I think Ference was there.

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Warrior goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Ference. *Thal peers at the blood-smears*

[Tadget]: Must've been a heck of a battle.

Withered Spearhide goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Round the corner again.

Tadget pokes Zaara. Hey!

[Vesyllah]: Suffer the pain you have inflicted!

[Zaara]: EAT YOUR SINS.

Withered Spearhide goes into a frenzy!

Vesyllah sighs at Zaara.

[Tadget]: I've eaten a few of mine…

[Thalstan]: Big pig statue…

Vesyllah looks up at the statue.

[Thalstan]: Looks more like an oven.

[Vesyllah]: Not exactly artisans, are they?

[Tadget]: It's… a huge boar.

[Thalstan]: No, but they do ha' some kind o' instinct ta art.

[Tadget]: I think that's a pretty good boar statue honestly.

[Thalstan]: They got wood around it. And… skulls.

[Vesyllah]: Face the agony of your sins!

Withered Reaver goes into a frenzy!

[Zaara]: A STORM COMES.

Tadget giggles at Zaara.

[Thalstan]: Skeletons up ahead, reckon they still got necromancers.

Death's Head Necromancer attempts to run away in fear!

[Zaara]: Hold. I must call on spirit of water.

[Zaara]: By which means, I am thirsty.

[Tadget]: Kay.

[Tadget]: Remember to keep an eye on your six, Valor.

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Where did those pigs even come from?

[Tadget]: Your six.

Tadget giggles.

[Zaara]: A mother pig and a father pig.

[Zaara]: Who are in love.

Tadget laughs at Zaara.

[Thalstan]: Uh…

[Zaara]: Or maybe not in love. Sometimes pigs are just like this.

[Tadget]: I also came from a mother and father pig who were in love.

[Thalstan]: I still only see the one path ta travel.

[Thalstan]: There's a LOT ahead.

[Thalstan]: Maybe we trick em round corners again.

Tadget slips into the shadows.

[Vesyllah]: This is your penance!

[Zaara]: This one is friendless.

[Zaara]: YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Uh, I sorta thought they'd back him up.

[Zaara]: I wound him.

Tadget laughs.

Death's Head Necromancer attempts to run away in fear!

[Thalstan]: Are there jus' goin' ta be random pigs every other minute!

[Tadget]: Yep.

[Arthur]: away! you horrible piggy thing!

[Tadget]: Forget it, Thal, it's Pigtown.

[Thalstan]: Ach, well. I'll skin 'em.

[Thalstan]: That looks awfully like a gong to me. Don't hit it yet.

[Thalstan]: Still quilboar in the room.

[Arthur]: now i just want to hit it.

Death's Head Necromancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Reaver goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Okay, drink up, magic folk, and we can try ta deal with the Nerubians.

Tadget cheers!

[Vesyllah]: Cool…

Arthur flexes at Zaara. Oooooh so strong!

[Vesyllah]: That's a big gong…

[Thalstan]: Alright, all ready?

[Thalstan]: I'm gonna smack it.

[Tadget]: Let's get it on!

[Vesyllah]: Let's see some spider people.

[Tadget]: Yep.

Thalstan rings the gong, summoning the nerubians.

[Vesyllah]: Whoa…cool.

[Arthur]: YEAH!

[Tadget]: I thought she was full of it, but those are nerubians all right.

[Thalstan]: That was a lot.

[Tadget]: Hit it again!

[Thalstan]: Came outta the ground, like she said.

[Thalstan]: Let's see if more spiders shake out!

[Tadget]: aww YEAH

[Vesyllah]: This is your penance!

Zaara makes pew-pew lightning noises.

Tadget cheers!

[Thalstan]: Those were some tougher ones.

[Tadget]: If you hit it again will we get even BIGGER ones?

Tadget bounces up and down.

[Thalstan]: Should we try again and see?

[Tadget]: YEAH

[Arthur]: it's like spin the wheel at the fair!

Vesyllah gazes down at the corpses. "Shame they're undead. They're beautiful."

[Thalstan]: Alright, here comes the spider-bell!

[Vesyllah]: Whoa, big one…

[Thalstan]: Whoa, lookit the size of this one!

[Tadget]: ew it did something to me

[Thalstan]: Probly poison.

[Vesyllah]: Elune, smite this nerubian with your punishing light!

[Tadget]: That is definitely the biggest Nerubian I've ever seen.

[Thalstan]: I bet yeh could make gloves outta the carapace…

Vesyllah tilts her head, peering at the massive nerubian.

[Tadget]: That must've been the… queen or somethin.

Vesyllah murmurs, "What were you like in life…?"

[Thalstan]: Maybe they'll not have problems with the Nerubians, with th' queen dead.

[Tadget]: I heard that some draenei talked with them up north. Alive ones.

Vesyllah perks, eyebrow lifting. "Really?"

[Thalstan]: Alive ones? I thought they were all undead.

[Tadget]: I think so. I just skim the reports…

[Tadget]: Well the Lich King had to make the undead ones outa something.

[Thalstan]: I jus' figured they lost. All dead.

[Tadget]: Mostly yeah.

[Tadget]: I think there are a few stragglers or something?

[Zaara]: Stranglers?

Withered Reaver goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Stragglers, totally difrent thing

[Tadget]: Stragglers! You know, just like… uh…

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: They straggle.

[Tadget]: Little remaining bits of things.

[Thalstan]: Instead o' strangle.

[Thalstan]: RANDOM PIGS

[Zaara]: Pchew-pchew! Bzzt!

[Tadget]: And yet still you are surprised.

[Thalstan]: Evry time.

Tadget giggles at Thalstan.

[Tadget]: Like a baby playing peek a boo.

Thalstan gives a deep chuckle.

Death's Head Necromancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Reaver goes into a frenzy!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Oh, flowers.

[Vesyllah]: Huh…not just any flowers.

[Tadget]: That's weird.

[Thalstan]: Oh?

[Arthur]: pretty.

[Vesyllah]: Humans call this Arthas' Tears.

[Arthur]: oh.

[Thalstan]: …Must be a recent rename. Or a recent flower?

[Tadget]: Haha, cry, you big baby.

[Vesyllah]: It's not native to this area…

[Thalstan]: Or was he always kinda weepy?

[Tadget]: Waaaah, my lands got plagued, waaah I killed my daaaad

[Zaara]: Waaah!

[Thalstan]: Does it grow near undead?

[Arthur]: waaaah!

[Tadget]: Maybe so.

[Vesyllah]: I am vengeance!

[Tadget]: I am mayhem!

Death's Head Necromancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Reaver goes into a frenzy!

[Vesyllah]: Suffer the pain you have inflicted!

[Tadget]: It's nice how occasionally we introduce ourselves to the people we're killing.

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

Vesyllah lets out a long, drawn-out sigh.

[Thalstan]: So they know who to whine abou' in th' shadow lands.

Tadget cackles maniacally at the situation.

[Thalstan]: Hm… this bit o' place looks like a prison.

[Tadget]: Open it up!

[Vesyllah]: Nobody in this one.

[Thalstan]: I'll jus' open it anyway.

Tadget nudges a skull with her boot.

[Thalstan]: Ogre o'er there.

[Thalstan]: Oh, hey, a human.

Belnir Strauss says: You're not quilboar! Superb! Those goblins came through after all, did they?

[Tadget]: Is that you Mr. Strauss?

[Thalstan]: Aha! Yer the one we're after.

Belnir Strauss says: I certainly hope I am. I assume the Mizzyrix brothers sent you?

[Arthur]: Hello! We are the Cobalt Blade. We're here to rescue you!

Zaara flexes at Belnir Strauss. Oooooh so strong!

[Tadget]: Nah, not them.

[Tadget]: They're a buncha losers. But we heard you were in trouble.

Belnir Strauss says: No? Oh, no matter. It was an open contract. Get me safely to my destination and it's yours, my friends!

[Thalstan]: That's what I like ta hear!

[Tadget]: Great! We like stuff.

Belnir Strauss says: It's nice to meet people who are so agreeable!

[Tadget]: That's us. Super agreeable.

[Zaara]: We are, yes!

[Tadget]: AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL US DIFFERENTLY.

Vesyllah smirks.

Belnir Strauss says: There's an idol here that contains a powerful magical fire stone. Extracting it is a difficult process, but I'm confident I can do so if I'm uninterrupted. That's where you come in.

Belnir Strauss says: The quilboar won't stand idly by while I desecrate their idol. If you're willing to keep me protected while I work my magic, just sign these contracts and we'll be in business!

Belnir Strauss produces five pre-written contracts, offering them to the Blade.

[Thalstan]: I will happily help yeh desecrate their idol. They've no' been hospitable at all.

[Tadget]: Wow. There are… five exactly.

Tadget peers at the contract carefully.

Thalstan skims over it and looks to the others. Maybe they're more interested in contracts.

Belnir Strauss says: Haha, I do have more. Always keep them on hand just in case!

Tadget checks for any weirdness in the contract.

Zaara smiles pleasantly into space and does not read a contract.

[Tadget]: My best friend's a lawyer, so.

Arthur reads it. "Oh, point 8 subsection four paragraph two says you're not liable for wardrobe damage…um–"

[Tadget]: You can afford new clothes now, Art.

[Thalstan]: Is tha' a problem?

[Tadget]: Don't even worry about it.

[Arthur]: i like this robe!

Belnir Strauss says: Sorry, it's a standard stipulation.

[Tadget]: Just stand real far back.

Arthur rolls his eyes. "fine!"

Arthur signs it and holds it out.

Vesyllah shrugs and signs the contract, handing it back.

Tadget reads a bit longer…

[Arthur]: i should get one like yours though if this one is messed up.

[Thalstan]: Other than tha', see any problems?

[Tadget]: Okay. *she signs and returns it.* Seems fine. Ish.

[Vesyllah]: Seems fine to me. Couldn't see any indication of demonic trickery or anything.

Thalstan shrugs and signs his, handing it back. Two people signed it, seems ok.

[Vesyllah]: Oh…Zaara, here…

[Zaara]: Hm?

Vesyllah puts a pen in Zaara's hand. "Make a mark here, on the paper." She tries to gently guide her hand to the right spot.

[Zaara]: Oh.

Tadget watches them both with a smile.

[Tadget]: Now kiss.

[Thalstan]: Trust us, we… some of us… read it. *Thal nods, stroking his beard sagely.*

[Vesyllah]: And if he tries to screw us with these…there are five of us and one of him.

Zaara lays her hand and the pen on the page, considers a moment, and then scrawls something that might be draenei glyphs or might just be scrawl.

Belnir Strauss says: Oh…heh…please don't worry. I'm an honest businessman!

[Tadget]: That's an oxymoron.

[Thalstan]: Did everyone sign it?

[Vesyllah]: At least he's not a goblin.

[Tadget]: That we know of.

Belnir Strauss collects the contracts, tucking them away inside his robes. "Excellent. Treasure awaits us, my new companions!"

Zaara cheers at Belnir Strauss!

Belnir Strauss says: But first, I'm going to need my wand and journal. The quilboar took them across that bridge as an offering to their current "lord", an unusually intelligent skeleton called Shordrem Flametooth.

Belnir Strauss says: Please, if you wouldn't mind retrieving them, then we can be on our way.

[Zaara]: Flametooth!

[Tadget]: Huh, I'd have said "intelligent skeleton" was also an oxymoron.

[Arthur]: maybe it's like a lich.

Belnir Strauss says: As would I! Yet this one speaks and even leads other skeletons.

[Tadget]: Well let's lich-slap him into next week then.

[Thalstan]: That sounds like a thing we can do.

[Vesyllah]: There's the bridge.

[Thalstan]: Uh… I see a lot o' skeletons.

[Tadget]: Whooooa.

[Vesyllah]: Dancing…

[Tadget]: It's a skeleton party!!

[Thalstan]: Skeleton… party?

[Zaara]: Skeleton party!

[Thalstan]: Well, let's set 'em down.

[Tadget]: This is kind of awesome.

Tadget is laughing too hard to fight.

[Vesyllah]: Suffer the pain you have inflicted!

[Vesyllah]: I am the night!

[Tadget]: Nice shorts, buddy.

[Thalstan]: Okay, so, where's the stuff? In his shorts?

[Tadget]: That was HILARIOUS.

[Tadget]: I am not checking his shorts.

[Thalstan]: Wand and journal he said. Maybe somewhere around th' bones?

[Vesyllah]: Well…it's probably either in his shorts or that giant bone pile.

Thalstan starts digging through the bones.

[Tadget]: Not checkin either.

Vesyllah sighs and checks the shorts.

[Zaara]: I do not look! *Zaara says cheerfully.*

Vesyllah kneels down.

Arthur bursts into dance.

[Vesyllah]: Okay…gross. The wand is in his shorts. A skeleton with a sense of humor. Yay.

[Tadget]: HahahahahahahaAAAHAHAHAHAa.

[Arthur]: you should be dancing, yeah!

[Tadget]: Guess he was nostalgic for his old wand.

Tadget dances with Arthur.

Arthur's dancing feet land right on something that isn't a bone. It's a book!

[Arthur]: ah!

[Tadget]: HEY!

[Thalstan]: Got somethin? *Thal drops the ribcage he was holding.*

Arthur picks it up. "HA!"

[Tadget]: The power of partying.

[Arthur]: i danced it up.

[Tadget]: That definitely should go in the illustrated novella of our adventure today.

[Thalstan]: Danced up a journal, aye?

[Vesyllah]: There…are illustrated novellas?

[Tadget]: You didn't know?

[Thalstan]: Oh yeah, seeing as we're all so smokin'.

[Vesyllah]: ….no.

[Tadget]: We're a big hit.

[Thalstan]: smokin' hot, I mean.

[Arthur]: that's why we're so cute, and why we do the long interviews after.

[Vesyllah]: I dread to imagine how we're portrayed.

[Tadget]: Written by Elanor Steelbloom, illustrated by uh… I forget.

[Tadget]: We're portrayed as awesome.

[Thalstan]: I imagine as awesome as we actually are. Though sometimes fiction doesnae measure up, it's true.

[Vesyllah]: Steelbloom? Isn't she a pillow book author?

[Tadget]: Pillow book? Hehehehe.

[Vesyllah]: SEX BOOK.

[Tadget]: Well whatever kind of books she writes, they make a MINT, so.

[Tadget]: Where to now?

[Vesyllah]: Ugh.

[Thalstan]: Writers can do more than one thing, yeh know.

[Vesyllah]: Back to Strauss.

[Arthur]: yes. but that just means she has a deep understanding of characterization and will be able to let the audience wonder if we're gonna smooch or not.

[Arthur]: it sells books!

[Zaara]: Are we going to smooch?

[Thalstan]: The forbidden cross-species romance!

[Tadget]: Spoiler: I'm gonna smooch ALL OF YA.

Zaara cheers at Tadget!

Tadget blows a kiss into the wind.

Thalstan gives a deep belly-laugh.

[Vesyllah]: I did not sign on to have my sexual habits speculated on by the public.

[Thalstan]: Oh, don't worry. Most people probly don't.

[Tadget]: I hate to tell you this Ves…

[Tadget]: Literally everyone who looks at you speculates on your sexual habits. So.

[Zaara]: I do!

[Tadget]: Everyone who looks at you, plus Zaara.

[Tadget]: We found your stuff. Do not ask where.

Belnir Strauss says: Ah…very well, I shall not ask. Thank you, my friends!

[Zaara]: In shorts!

Tadget sighs at Zaara.

Belnir Strauss says: In…shorts?

Thalstan winks at Zaara. She can't see it.

Belnir Strauss says: Wait, never mind.

[Tadget]: Skeleton shorts.

Belnir Strauss says: Oh…

[Tadget]: Enjoy!

Belnir Strauss says: I shall scrub this thoroughly later.

Tadget cackles maniacally at Belnir Strauss.

Belnir Strauss says: In any case. Are you ready? We have no time to waste!

[Thalstan]: I'm ready if everyone is!

Tadget lets you know that she is ready!

[Zaara]: I am always ready! COBOLT SMOKE SHOW.

Belnir Strauss says: All right, stay close. These fiends will jump right out of the shadows at you if you let your guard down.

[Zaara]: Pigs are six!

[Vesyllah]: Definitely not a goblin! He moves too fast!

[Tadget]: Yieks.

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

[Tadget]: DUDE.

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Thalstan]: Little more caution, mebbe!

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Tadget]: cheese and crackers.

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Vesyllah]: Hurry it up!

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

[Vesyllah]: I am vengeance!

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

Belnir Strauss says: Argh, I need help here!

Death's Head Geomancer attempts to run away in fear!

Withered Quilguard goes into a frenzy!

Arthur lies down.

Belnir Strauss says: You've done well, my friends! Thank you. I'm sure you can see your own way out, and here are some tokens of my appreciation.

Tadget gently pats Arthur.

[Arthur]: oh goodness.

Belnir Strauss teleports out, leaving behind a conjured brazier containing some valuable trinkets.

Tadget pets Arthur.

[Arthur]: let it kill me. i'm too tired.

[Zaara]: Arthur? Is all right?

[Arthur]: oh gross!

Tadget tries to move the dead boar off Art.

[Arthur]: it landed on me!

Tadget cackles maniacally at the situation.

[Tadget]: Oooh, shinies.

[Thalstan]: Random pigs till th' end.

[Thalstan]: Where'd Mr. Strauss go?

[Tadget]: Teleported.

[Tadget]: He maged out.

[Vesyllah]: I guess he got his fire stone.

[Tadget]: So rude.

[Zaara]: … but.

[Zaara]: If he could mage out… ?

[Tadget]: He left us some stuff though.

[Arthur]: ….wait.

[Thalstan]: So he did no' cheat us.

[Tadget]: He didn't want to mage out without his stuff I guess.

[Arthur]: you're right, zaara!

[Zaara]: Oh. His stuff.

[Arthur]: We've been bamboozled!

[Zaara]: BAMBOOZLE.

[Tadget]: He realllly wanted that stuff. He left some stuff though.

[Tadget]: See?

[Zaara]: I do not see.

Tadget points to the shinies. She puts Zaara's hand in the shinies.

[Zaara]: Oh! It feels shiny!

Tadget giggles.

[Tadget]: If you want I can find buyers for this stuff and we can split it all evenly.

[Vesyllah]: Hmm. We might want to check in with Kreebo about the 'small fortune' that was promised. If anyone can track Strauss down to get paid, it'll be a goblin.

[Thalstan]: Should we teleport out ourselves, then?

[Tadget]: Sounds like a plan.

[Vesyllah]: I think our work here is done. Let's get out of here.

[Thalstan]: Let's do!

Zaara cheers!

[Tadget]: Okay, I'm out. Stay fresh cheese bags!

Tadget rogues out.

[Arthur]: oh, i have to take back this book.

Vesyllah vanishes…like the night.

Vesyllah produces a hearthstone and traces a finger along the rune.