(2023-05-24) All The Color's Gone Out Of The World

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Author:	Luridel
Summary:	Mordecai meets up with Aszera in Moa'ki Harbor and tries to reassure her that things will get better. ~4100 words.
Rating:	M for Mature 17+

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mention of child abuse

The northern lights flicker in the sky above the small Tuskarr village of Moa'ki Harbor, a busy but not bustling waypoint on the southern coast of the Dragonblight. There are many Tuskarr present, but also a smattering of people from various races of the Alliance and the Horde, mostly passing through on the way to somewhere else.

One sin'dorei woman, perched on a rock against the rock wall beneath the main yurt, doesn't seem to notice the beauty in the sky above her. Instead, Aszera Sunstrike's focus seems to be on the gryphon landing area. It doesn't seem like she would be able to see it, given the heavy blindfold covering her eyes, but she does have the air of someone watching. She shivers, pulling her dark grey cloak more tightly around her body, and continues to wait.

A gryphon lands, and someone gets off - a gnome, not the person Aszera is waiting for.

It's another minute before Mordecai's gryphon comes in. He's bundled up in a hooded cloak over his robe, and he leaves the hood up even after he dismounts, looking around.

Aze rises to her feet almost before Mordecai has a chance to land, a smile brightening her face.

"Mordecai?" she asks, walking toward him. The cloak flows out behind her, but for the moment she doesn't seem to notice the cold.

Mordecai perks up as well, his expression brightening at the sound of a familiar voice. "Aze, hello," he says, moving towards her at a brisk walk.

"You got my letter, then," Aze says, closing the distance. "I hope it was mostly legible. I think I'm getting better at that, but, well. I don't know. And I hope I didn't sound distressed? I'm not distressed. I'm just lon… I just missed you."

Mordecai smiles and holds his arms out for a hug. "It was mostly legible, don't worry. It's good to see you."

Aze quickly takes him up on the offer, maybe hugging him just the slightest bit too hard before letting go and taking a step back. She gestures at her own clothes. "Thanks for this, by the way. Cressidha does good work. Want to get out the cold, talk for a while?"

Mordecai smiles at her. "Oh, you're welcome. Of course, um. Where?" He looks at the available selection of yurts.

"We could probably head into the inn…" Aze jerks her head in the direction of a larger yurt, "…or a little ways out, I have a tent. That wouldn't be as warm, though. Unless I made a fire."

Mordecai tilts his head, looking at the big yurt. "Um, warm would be preferable. Let's go there?" He starts off towards the inn, holding his hood in place against the wind. It's cold out here.

Aze tucks her hands under her arms and follows him. "It should be quiet enough, this time of day. Everyone's out fishing or whatever it is that they do. I guess… this probably isn't much worse than whatever forward camps the Alliance have?"

Mordecai, who has been raised to always hold the door for a lady, looks at the hanging flap of some sort of hide that blocks the doorway to the yurt to keep the cold air out. He pushes it aside and steps in, holding it politely out of the way for Aze in a gesture that would probably look less odd if this were an actual door.

Aze gives a brief chuckle and steps delicately past Mordecai and the yurt flap, ducking her head in a sketch of a bow.

Mordecai lets the flap fall shut behind him and makes his way towards the central fire, pushing his hood back. "It is warmer in here," he says happily. "You've been staying in a tent, though?"

"Yeah, mostly," Aze says, following him as she pushes back the hood of her cloak. "It's not very comfortable, but what is in this fucking place, right?"

Mordecai sits down on the edge of a woven rug near the fire, careful to keep his boots off of it. "Sometimes I wonder if I could just climb into one of Cressidha's enchanted bags and hide out in there. But, um, there isn't a lot of air circulation."

"Yeah, breathing is usually a plus," Aze gives a brief laugh, sitting down next to him. "I just hope we can kill the Lich King soon and get out of here." She pauses, turning to Mordecai. "So, uh, how've you been? I meant to follow sooner, but… you know, I didn't like the idea of being trapped on a zeppelin for a week."

"I've been doing really well, actually," Mordecai says with a content little smile. "Especially now that portal magic has stabilized again. Um, how are you… if you aren't working with the Horde out here, who are you… with? Is it just you?"

"Yeah, it's just me," Aze says, her smile fading. "I wander around. Kill things. Eat, sleep, repeat. You know. I can take care of myself."

"It sounds incredibly lonely," Mordecai says, looking serious and a little sad. "I know I would be."

"It's just temporary," Aze waves it off. "Till we end the Scourge. Then it'll be fun and parties again, I'll figure it out." She hesitates, and then adds, "And I'm not… totally alone. I visit the corpse on Thursdays. Sil's around. And now you, and Colson and Cressidha!"

Mordecai nods slowly. "You've been hanging around on the outskirts of things for safety, but that's not actually your preference, is it?"

Aze takes in a breath and lets it out slowly, drawing her hands into fists in her lap. "No. I wanted to find a place, before I came here. It didn't happen in time and then I had to… react. But it doesn't seem fair. After everything I've given, I shouldn't have to worry about my welcome."

"I'm sorry," Mordecai says, very sincerely. "You're right, it doesn't seem fair. Do you think there's anything I could do to help?"

Aze shrugs. "Think I could join you at… where are you now, Valiance Keep?"

Mordecai tilts his head, considering. "Not any more, um. We've been staying in Dalaran, actually. Which does seem to be fairly open to both the Alliance and the Horde, like Shattrath was…"

Aze's breath catches for a moment, and she shakes her head vehemently. "No, I know Dalaran. It isn't a safe place for sin'dorei."

"It isn't?" Mordecai frowns. "I've seen quite a few of them there, though."

"It isn't safe," Aze says again, more insistently, her breathing growing shallower. "Have you seen all of Dalaran?"

Mordecai shakes his head. "Not all of it, no. What's wrong?"

"Did they show you the… dungeons?" Aze asks. "The Violet Hold?"

Mordecai shakes his head again. "No, um. Well. Kind of? I know where the building is. I haven't been inside."

"Good, that's good," Aze smiles, but the smile slips almost immediately. "That's where they put people they don't like. I guess you wouldn't be here if they decided they didn't like you."

Mordecai reaches out and pats Aze's arm. "I'm all right. No one's tried to arrest me for anything. Did something happen? Before?"

"I was…" Aze says, and stops, leaning forward to put one hand on the floor of the yurt. "I can't… too stuffy in here, I'm…"

She pushes unsteadily to her feet and takes a few steps towards the door of the yurt, stopping with one hand against the wall.

Mordecai rises quickly, following her with a look of concern. He stays out of her immediate personal space, but close enough that he'd be able to grab her should she collapse.

"…fine," Aze says, still breathing shallowly. She takes a few more steps along the wall, trailing her fingers. "I'm fine. Just… dizzy. Too stuffy in here."

"Let's step outside?" Mordecai offers, and he moves to once again hold the door-flap open for Aze.

Aze stumbles outside taking deep gasps of the frigid air. After a few more breaths, she seems to calm, and she turns back to Mordecai with a shaky smile. "Those fires. Probably. I don't know what that was. But yeah. I was trying to say. I spent a lot of time in Dalaran during the Third War, after we lost the… the Sunwell."

"And not as a welcome guest, I imagine," Mordecai says, frowning. "I see." He pulls his hood back up, because it is still cold out here.

Aze shivers in a quick gust of cold wind, but makes no move to go back inside. "We went to help. I left Syarra, and the dead, and the ruins, to fight the Scourge. For the Alliance. But no, we weren't welcome. The grand marshal there didn't want us. He was always… trying to contrive some way to make us disappear. He almost got what he wanted, a few times."

Mordecai frowns faintly. "That must have been difficult," he says, and there's no pity in his tone, only understanding. "I see why you aren't inclined to return there."

"It's just not safe. Maybe it's safe for humans." Aze draws her own cloak more tightly around her. "Do you like it there?"

"I… don't like it very much," Mordecai admits. "It's beautiful, and it's clean, but it doesn't feel very welcoming."

Aze breathes out a low sigh. "Not for you, either? Watch your back there, then. Silvermoon is beautiful and clean, and I… wish I could take you and Colson dancing there. I bet you'd like it more."

Mordecai rubs the back of his neck. "It's… like, um, Dalaran feels like either you're an insider or you're a tourist, and it definitely treats members of the Kirin Tor differently."

"No Kirin Tor in Silvermoon, so that's another point in its favor," Aze grins. "There's the magisters, but they're not… they…" she trails off, and then continues with, "Okay, Silvermoon's probably not the best place to recommend to you, though I do have a house there. Kind of a dangerous house, if you don't like death knights wandering in. Syarra, anyway, and I promised I wouldn't make a fuss about it."

"Oh," Mordecai says, pulling his cloak more tightly about himself. "Syarra and Roper, um. They want me to officiate their marriage."

"She asked you, then, huh," Aze seems to deflate a little. "Did you say you would?"

"Yes, of course." Mordecai tilts his head. "I'm… it's something I've done before, as a chaplain. Officiate weddings."

"For dead people?"

"For people who want to get married," Mordecai says, smiling a little.

"This'll be your first time then," Aze says, her attention shifting out over the frozen ground. "Helping dead people who want to get married. I hope they didn't insist on a human sacrifice at the ceremony."

"No, nothing like that. You aren't happy for them…?" Mordecai's smile fades slowly as he peers at Aze's expression.

Aze takes another deep breath of the cold air, something like sorrow or guilt crossing her face before it's gone. Instead, she smiles back at Mordecai. "Sure, why not? I'm happy for them. She asked me to be there, as her sister, you know. She's getting what she wants. Just… make sure you're really clear about what's allowed and what's not."

Mordecai nods. "How do you mean…?"

"I lived with them for a week or so," Aze says, huddling a little more in her cloak. "Syarra and Roper. They try their best, but sometimes the things they think are normal are a little… off."

"I won't let myself be pressured into incorporating anything into the ceremony that I'm uncomfortable with, if that's your concern," Mordecai says, serious.

"Okay, good. If you're comfortable with it, I probably will be too," Aze turns back toward Mordecai. "I wish I had more fun stuff to offer you. It's just… Northrend… and death knights… and everything. Sometimes feels like the color's all gone out of the world up here. Maybe we could still dance sometime, if it gets warm enough in the summer?"

"Oh. Have you been to Wyrmrest Temple?" Mordecai asks in exactly the same tone as he might use to ask if she's visited a certain restaurant.

"The dragon temple?" Aze perks up. "I haven't. Do you recommend it?"

"I haven't gone yet, but I was hoping to. And, um, Cressidha said the Ruby Dragonshrine was beautiful."

"Ruby Dragonshrine? I bet so, life and all that," Aze smiles. "I'm no dragon expert - that was a little before my time. Do you think the dragonshrines might be a good, neutral place?"

Mordecai looks thoughtful. "I think Wyrmrest Temple might be, actually. Neutral and safe for you. There were envoys from both the Alliance and the Horde there. The dragonshrines… are kind of war zones right now. You've heard about the Nexus War, right? The, um, the Aspect of the Blue Dragonflight, Malygos, going insane and kidnapping mages and messing with the ley lines? Which is why the portals were closed for a while and the mail was messed up?"

"I think I heard rumors about that," Aze says thoughtfully. "Have you been fighting them? The blue dragonflight?"

"Um, not personally, but Colson and Cressidha have."

"That makes sense. And I've fought some of the… mage hunters? There are demons involved, so…" Aze shrugs. "But the Temple then. Maybe a place we could meet up, from time to time? Do they have a piano?"

"We could. Um, I have no idea if they do or not, it just… seemed like it might be a little less bleak than the rest of Northrend." Mordecai waves a hand vaguely. "Do dragons use furniture? I suppose maybe in their humanoid forms…"

"I've heard a lot of them choose quel'dorei forms, so they might." She straightens as an idea occurs to her, and she turns to Mordecai with a mischievous grin. "Do you think people might assume I'm a dragon, if I hang out there? Rather than… whatever else. Aszera… it sounds kind of like a dragon. Maybe if it were more complicated, like Aszerastrasza or something."

Mordecai laughs. "Oh, it does sound kind of like a dragon name, actually. And a lot of dragons use nicknames when in their humanoid forms, too."

"Perfect," Aze laughs with him. "I won't claim I'm a dragon, I'll just let people draw their own conclusions. And we'll see what rumors emerge…"

"Mysterious. I like it." Mordecai smiles.

"You have such good ideas," Aze says, reaching out to nudge Mordecai's shoulder. "I'm glad I found you up here. Things will get better, won't they? I just have to… to figure out how to make it happen."

"Things will get better," Mordecai says with calm conviction. "I'm sure of it. I'll keep looking for somewhere that seems less… dull and colorless."

"And I'll try to find… more people," Aze says, shivering. "Maybe that's worth some risk. A paladin I met once accused me of being too wary about that. Just because I don't know if I'll be welcome, it doesn’t mean I won't be, right?"

Mordecai nods. "That's true. I don't think the dragons would turn you away, at the very least."

"It's worth a try," Aze says, squaring her shoulders. "Enough of my moping. Oh!" Aze snaps her fingers. "Since portals work now I should be able to pay you back for the clothes sometime, I've just got to find a trustworthy mage or warlock for the travel."

Mordecai nods. "Cressidha could portal you to Shattrath, but you'd have to find someone else to get back here…"

"That works, but I'll need a warlock for the return. Just need to figure out who." Aze gives a brief laugh, and adds, "I'm not really willing to starve for another week hiding on a zeppelin." She frowns in thought, and adds, "Speaking of debts and hunger… I think I got that recipe you were interested in. If you still are. "

"Oh. Yes, I would, um. Do you have it written down? Or…" Mordecai looks at his gloved hands.

"I could probably write it? Or uh, have her… the cor… Syarra. She remembers."

Mordecai shrugs. "I can write it down if… well, it's just cold out here. Do you think we could maybe go back inside?"

"Oh, right," Aze says, turning back towards the yurt inn door. "Fuck, I wasn't thinking about the cold anymore, I just… are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Mordecai says immediately. "Just, um, if I'm going to be taking my gloves off to write, I'd rather it be somewhere a little warmer, that's all."

"Yeah, sure," Aze says, flashing a quick smile. This time she opens the door flap, standing aside to let Mordecai enter.

Mordecai steps inside, smiling back. "Thank you," he says politely, and goes to sit down in the same place as before. He removes his gloves and tucks them into his belt, then withdraws a clipboard and pencil from his bag.

Aze sits down next to him and starts listing the ingredients and proportions - honey, oats, flour and so on. She pauses, and says, "I don't know if I can make it for you. I tried, but…"

Mordecai carefully writes everything down. "Hm? But…?"

"Maybe I just suck at baking," Aze shrugs uncomfortably. "There's a lot of steps, and you have to do it all just so. Syarra doesn't really have the knack for it anymore, either. They have an oven, though, if you wanted to… I mean, I'm sure you've got one, too."

"I do." Mordecai smiles. "It isn't easy. I messed up more often than not as a child, when I was learning. I might be able to pull this off?"

"The recipe's yours now, if you want to," Aze shifts her attention back toward the fire. "If I remember anything else you might like, you can have that too."

"Thank you." Mordecai puts his clipboard away. "I do know a few warlocks, but I'm not sure how they feel about… well, I'd have to check first."

"Just tell them I'm a sin'dorei, and they can find me at Wyrmrest Temple," Aze says with another faint smile. "You won't tell them about the rest of it. Right?"

"Not without permission, but, um, would they be able to tell? Can warlocks tell?"

"I mean, I don't think Sandy could, but he…" Aze trails off. "Wait, what about Sandy?"

"Oh, um. I haven't seen him in… quite a while. He didn't come to Northrend with us." Mordecai tilts his head. "You could write to him?"

"Oh, well, if he's not in Northrend then that wouldn't work anyway. But if you know one that's fine with sin'dorei, I could talk to them. Worth a shot."

Mordecai nods thoughtfully. "There's two I could ask. I don't know how they'd feel about transporting a sin'dorei yet."

"Thanks," Aze rocks back a little and grins. "And you know I'm fine with whoever. I get along with everybody, as long as they can get along with me."

Mordecai does not contradict her or bring up the time she stabbed her Death Knight sister. "Mmhm. So, um, what was it like being back in Silvermoon?"

"Familiar… and unfamiliar," Aze says, and shakes her head. "Like they say, you can't go home again. Moreso if your home gets razed by the fucking Scourge and reconstructed with fel magic, I guess. It was kind of comforting, though, being back in my own room again. Trying to… fit back in to the niche I used to have. As much as I could, anyway, without drawing too much attention."

"Were you able to find any friends there…?" Any of her old friends? Any new friends? Mordecai's question seems to be encompassing both.

"I didn't try at first, since I was lying low because of…" she gestures at her blindfold. "And anyway, most of the people I knew weren't around anymore. But then I got restless, and yeah, sort of. I made some new friends. And then I ran into Liv's sister, which is sort of why I… do you know the Bloodsongs?"

Mordecai shakes his head. "I remember you talking about Liv, and the mentions of her in… Syarra's journal… but I don't know anything about the family, no."

"Hm. She said someone was asking after me, and I thought maybe… never mind, it's not important," Aze sighs, and adds, "I suppose I should warn you that I might have mentioned your name. Just in case you end up with surprise magisters in your path."

Mordecai blinks and points at himself. "Mentioned my name? To who?"

"Liv's sister. 'Lady Bloodsong'." Aze shrugs. "She said some human noble was asking about my well-being, so I assumed… I mean, I only know you and Colson and Cressidha, in human nobility. Unless, like, Ben or Sandy or Kit are, I guess."

"Ben and Sandy are, actually," Mordecai says thoughtfully. "Ben was adopted by Lord Elohad Ference as his son, and Sandy, um, he's Lady Ekorenine Spellbond's son. I think he might be adopted too."

"Seriously? Neither of them seemed like I'd expect… adopted, though. Neat trick on their part. Still, I only met Sandy the once, and I can't imagine Ben checking up after me. I think he likes me, he's just, you know, wary." Aze smiles, acknowledging a little bit of wariness is probably merited. "The Bloodsongs, though, they're a magister family. Elivia was kind of a… what do you call it? I think the translation would be something like 'black-feathered hawkstrider'. Now it's just her - Coriene - and her parents are still alive for now. No idea who asked her about me."

"Ben was adopted fairly recently, within the last couple of years." Mordecai shrugs. "Black-feathered hawkstrider… um…" That takes him a second. "Black sheep? Like, sort of an outsider in her family?"

"Yeah, that. They didn't think much of her, even if she was obviously the best of the fel-damned lot," Aze smiles faintly in memory. "Families can be weird like that. Don't see each other clearly."

Mordecai nods. "I… wasn't like the rest of my family, either," he says with a shrug.

"No?" Aze turns curiously to Mordecai. "How not?"

"They're all… cruel people, in different ways. My father is in prison now, but he used to…" Mordecai shrugs. "Hurt me. Because he could. My mother was just… impossible to please, and critical of everyone, and controlling, and generally a horrible person, and she isn't allowed to speak to me any more. Legally. My brother Gavin is in prison for fraud. My brother Mordred is dead, but he was horrible."

"Sounds like a good family to not resemble," Aze says, stiffening. "And you don't, not at all. I'm glad they're gone, if you are." She hesitates, and then adds, "Liv - Elivia, it wasn't that bad for her. They never physically hurt her, I don't think. She would've said, to me at least. They were impossible to please, though. Her family was arcane and she was called to the Light. Fucking amazing healer, the things I've seen her turn around, but all they ever saw was a failed mage."

"I'm quite glad they're gone," Mordecai says softly. "A failed mage… that's a shame."

"I know, right? I caught a bit of that from my dad, too, but…" Aze seems to lose the trail of the sentence for a moment, and continues, "Being a priest isn't easy, and it's… it's important. If they could've just seen what she was and not get so hung up on what she wasn't. Though… I guess they also thought she was shaming the family with all the sleeping around. Like that means anything. It's… hard to remember I'll never see her again, sometimes." Aze winces, raising one hand to rub at her blindfold, and she shifts closer to Mordecai. "Anyway. You have a better family now."

Mordecai nods. "Being a priest isn't easy," he agrees. "I wish I could have met her. I do, though. I have a much better family now. Colson is wonderful, and the rest of the Aspenwoods are kind."

"I bet you would've liked her. At least, how she was before the war. That's how I want to remember her," Aze says softly. Then she smiles at Mordecai again and adds in a more cheerful tone, "I'm happy for you. And you never know, maybe I'll end up with a family someday too. And if not, whatever. I can take care of myself."

Mordecai pats her arm affectionately. "Thank you. If there's anything I've learned, it's that things can get better when you least expect them to. So."

"I hope so," Aze says, and then she makes a faint hm sound. "Though that's not entirely true. I guess… I do have some family. Maybe. I don't know if they can really do kind, but…"

Mordecai nods. "You do." He does not comment on whether or not death knights can still do kind. "Who knows? Maybe you'll meet some interesting dragons."

"I'd better, if I'm going to hang out at the Wyrmrest Temple," Aze says with a laugh. "I think I'd make an awesome dragon friend."