(2023-02-26) Leaving Whispers in the Gulch

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Author:	Alli
Summary:	Lena catches up with Rae and they discuss their feelings after the Whispering Gulch incident.
Rating:	M for Mature 17+

Arc: Season 9

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Reference to grief, death knights, sex work, domestic violence

Lena sees Rae standing near one of the fire pits and walks over quietly.
[Lena]: You been holding up okay?
Ralaea looks a bit distracted, staring silently into the flames. Her goggles are missing, as is one of her swords. She jumps a little when Lena speaks.
[Ralaea]: Uh…I'm… Yeah. I'm good. *Her eyes dart over to peek at Lena, but she quickly looks away again.*
Lena looks much the same as usual, except for a little darker circles under her eyes and a little shakiness at her hands.
[Lena]: Did you drop your goggles somewhere? I could look for them.
[Ralaea]: My… *She reaches up to touch her face.* Oh.
Ralaea glances back towards the inn. "Probably just…left them."
[Ralaea]: Forgot.
[Lena]: And the sword?
Ralaea goes a bit pale and looks as though she wants to run back to the inn. Instead she takes a deep breath. "This was…intentional. I'm…practicing with just one."
[Lena]: I don't really know all that much about that sort of fighting. *Lena shifts in a little closer to her.* What do you gain by practicing with one?
[Ralaea]: W-well…it might…help strengthen that side?
[Lena]: Okay, I could see that. *Lena looks down at her arm, but it looks like she still doesn't understand.* I haven't been sleeping all that well since Sunday. I don't know what I could change up in my training, though.
[Lena]: It's mostly reading, sketching diagrams, that sort of thing.
[Ralaea]: Lena, I… *She hesitates.* I don't really…remember what happened on Sunday. Well I remember it, just not…what I did. Or didn't do.
[Lena]: Are you worried there's something you should've done that you didn't? *Lena turns to look at her.* You went real quiet. Ben and the others tried to hold us together, and you followed.
[Lena]: Just, real quiet.
[Ralaea]: I suppose you wouldn't be here talking to me if I'd hurt anyone. That's…all I remember. Following Ben. You all were talking, but I…don't know what you said.
Lena blushes slightly and looks down at her feet. "I halfway don't even know what I said. I was just babbling. Trying to convince you all that I wasn't turning on anybody."
[Ralaea]: I almost…went back there. Couple nights ago. Thought it'd clear some things up. But I ended up…somewhere else.
[Lena]: We shouldn't go back there, *Lena says immediately* I was talking with some Argent people. They don't know exactly what's down there, but it's really bad. But… where'd you go, then?
[Ralaea]: I just sort've…wandered. I shouldn't have gone alone. I think…Ben would be disappointed. I'll apologize.
[Lena]: But you're alright, and we… we've probably still got some aftereffects. I let this fellow read my mind, and he said there were still signs of it, four days later. It'll fade, though.
Ralaea glances at her and nods. "I was still getting…the voice in my head at times. But… I haven't since my walk. It made me realize…I'm here for a reason. That place isn't what I'm here for, so…I won't go back."
Lena nods. "Whatever it is, it's not that death knight. It's not the Lich King. That felt different, when we saw him in the spirit world."
Ralaea mutters, "As far as I know, the Lich King doesn't read minds…"
[Lena]: He can control minds, though? I don't know, I don't really know how that all works.
Ralaea turns to face Lena at last, and manages to meet her eyes for more than three seconds. "We'll…be okay. Ben won't let us stay someplace that's going to hurt us."
[Lena]: Yeah, he wouldn't. *Lena nods firmly.* Ace brought that up, too. Leaving. And we will, I think. But not yet.
[Ralaea]: I'm…not as strong as the rest of you, I think. It's only because I trust Ben so much that I…didn't just stay down there. Like the dwarves.
[Lena]: Then we better not ever go there again. But… I don't think you're weak? We were all pretty messed up, to be honest.
[Ralaea]: Do you…want to talk about it?
Lena looks a little nervous, but says, "Maybe that would help? What do you think?"
[Ralaea]: Well it's that, or…you've got to see something important. Something that'll remind you what you're even doing here. What you're fighting for. That…helps. But I'll help too, however you need.
[Lena]: Alright, then. So. Where to start. *Lena glances over at the fire again, as if it might help her out.*
[Lena]: What got me at first is I assumed it was just me. The whispers in my head.
[Ralaea]: Easy to do. It was so…invasive.
[Lena]: Sometimes, when I make choices, I don't think about the long future. Because if you don't get through the moment, it won't exist anyhow, you know?
Ralaea nods. "That's how I fell in with the Scarlet Crusade."
Lena nods back. "Makes sense. And that's how I became a warlock in the first place."
[Ralaea]: For survival. That's something I can understand.
[Lena]: I could maybe explain, a little, if you don't go repeating it… I was with a fellow who was a warlock. Things went… a bit bad. He was meaner than I thought.
[Ralaea]: I wouldn't go telling things that aren't mine to tell. How was he meaner?
[Lena]: Got angry really easy. At first he was very sweet, very gentle, but then more and more the anger came out.
[Ralaea]: Was he…violent about it?
Lena nods. "Broke my arm once. He probably still wouldn't admit it, wouldn't let me see a healer. 'I didn't push you that hard' and all that."
[Ralaea]: And a warlock…hm. That sounds pretty dangerous. How'd you get out?
Lena grabs her forearm with one hand, eyes a little distant in memory. "Well, he had this big library, warlock books and all. I studied for months. Then one night I just left, while he was sleeping. Slipped out. After I summoned an imp."
[Lena]: I needed some kind of power, you know? In case he came after me. So that was the decision, and I considered it at the time, but in the very long term… I don't know what the fel might do to me.
[Ralaea]: Long term…is a hard thing to predict. I'm not someone who's fond of magic…don't trust it and all…but who knows. Maybe someone finds a way to use fel without it doing anything bad? Just…you know. Sometime. In the future.
[Lena]: Yeah, maybe. But that's where my head was at, when the whispers started. This is something wrong with me, on account of what I did.
[Ralaea]: Whispers aside, people say that about warlocks as is. I can see why you'd start doubting yourself.
Lena nods, shifting uncomfortably. "I don't plan to go crazy and power-hungry. I just want enough power, you know? And I bet you couldn't see me swinging a sword."
Ralaea tilts her head and considers her. "It would…take a lot of work, yeah. I don't think you're really the sword type."
Lena smiles briefly. "What made you decide to take it up?"
[Ralaea]: Oh, well…at first it was just a hobby. My…father taught me. He was…a marine from Kul Tiras. Settled down when he met my mother. But he only taught me basic stuff. How to swing it. How to defend, a bit. I wasn't very good. Until…
Ralaea shrugs. "Survival, you know? I learned most of what I know from Kaela Mondragon."
[Lena]: Oh. That's the one who…. the one you're after. *Lena glances down at her sword* But I guess you had the strength from practice, before.
[Ralaea]: Being a stable hand helped. I was always pretty active.
[Lena]: Oh, we had horses too. Come to think of it, I was probably a bit stronger back then than I am now. But still, most of the heavy work, my brothers did.
Ralaea smiles a tiny bit. "My brother's younger than me, and he was always pretty shy. He went the school route. I could never sit still, though. Not for that long."
[Lena]: I did school for a bit, as a kid. My mom always said I needed the reading, writing, arithmetic to manage a farm one day. *Lena gives a short laugh* See how that panned out.
[Lena]: But that's good. Siblings balance each other out, right? *Her smile falters a little as she glances back to the fire*
[Ralaea]: Thought he was dead for years. But I guess if you don't see it, you don't know what really happened. Right?
Lena draws in a sharp breath and tenses. "I guess not. Glad he was alright."
Ralaea turns back towards the fire and nods. "What got you through it? The gulch?"
[Lena]: Probably just the others, pulling me along. Following the group. And Ben… Ben speaking up to say he was hearing whispers. That helped.
[Ralaea]: He's a good leader. It's…nice to be working with him again.
[Ralaea]: You didn't turn on us. Means you trust us some, huh? That's something.
Lena gives a brief laugh. "Is it weird that all I could think of was that you all must think I was turning on you? I was so set on telling you I wasn't."
[Ralaea]: So you were worried about…whether we trusted you.
[Lena]: Yeah, pretty much. It was hard enough to get in to Cobalt, to get people to give me a chance. And I always knew I was on thin ice, whatever they said. It's… it must have been similar for you? Coming from the Scarlets?
[Ralaea]: I still get looks. Every now and then. People are gonna have their own ideas. *She shrugs.* Long as they don't stab me in the back when we work together, I guess it's fine. But I will say this. I trust you, Lena.
[Ralaea]: If you ever…have to use magic on me? If you have to… then… I'll manage. And…you can do what you need to.
Lena looks at Rae in surprise. "Okay. I'll… try not to. 'Cause I know you don't like it. And I can leave the demons out of things, unless it looks like we need the help."
Lena looks at the fire again. "There's stuff you don't know about me, about who I was before. I don't know if it'd change your mind."
[Ralaea]: Try me.
Lena doesn't look at her, but says, "You might've heard rumors, I don't know. In the Third War and after, I was… um, a working girl? I don't know the euphemism where you're from."
[Ralaea]: Do you mean like…selling yourself?
[Lena]: Yeah, I was trying to be polite about it.
[Ralaea]: Oh. Sorry.
[Lena]: Some folk seem to think that affects a person's trustworthiness? I admit I don't see the connection.
[Ralaea]: Was it something you enjoyed doing? Doesn't matter to me either way, but I'd like to understand better.
Lena darts a look back to check Rae's expression. "I didn't mind it. I mean, nobody loves their job all the time, but… there were good days and bad."
Ralaea looks as though she might be trying to imagine it. "I used…to enjoy that sort of attention. I never went as far as all that, though. I was more of a tease. I suppose that's a route I could have gone, if I hadn't been where I was, when it happened."
[Lena]: The fall?
Lena turns back to her.
[Ralaea]: Yeah. I sort of just…followed Kaela. Got into the fighting by pure chance. I was…when it came down to it, I was a sobbing mess. Couldn't pull myself together enough to survive alone.
[Lena]: That maybe means you've got a good heart. *Lena touches her own heart briefly.* I was just… determined to live. I would've done anything, I think, back then. Just kept moving so I wouldn't have to think on what happened.
[Ralaea]: I have a lot of respect for what you've managed to make of yourself, despite being alone. I think you're pretty tough.
Lena blinks at her, surprised again. "I would've just thought stubborn, maybe. But thanks. You made it this far, too, and even without Kaela. So that must mean you're pretty tough as well."
[Ralaea]: No, I… *She glances away.* I've just been…copying her. She was everything I wanted to be, and I…thought if I could be like her…I'd make it, too.
[Lena]: But you have, so far. And now, you have room to figure out what you want to be, maybe? Apart from others.
Ralaea shrugs. "I've got things to see to, before all that. I can't abandon this yet. I need her strength. We've both seen how quickly everything can go wrong. If you think you've finally found your place…keep it safe."
Lena nods. She thinks for a moment, then adds, "Can I ask what you saw? That reminded you of the goal, I mean."
[Ralaea]: If I tell you…don't tell anyone.
[Lena]: I can keep a secret. *Lena crosses her heart.*
[Ralaea]: He's here. That…death knight I was telling you about. I…saw him, and… Couldn't do anything. I know I'm…not supposed to, but I could have made it look like they had done it. It was perfect.
Lena 's eyes widen, and she glances around, as if he might be literally here.
Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she turns back to Rae. "But you didn't? Why couldn't you?"
[Ralaea]: I was just coming out of that haze…from being in the gulch. And at first I thought he was…not…dead. I didn't recover fast enough from that I guess.
Lena nods. "I won't tell anyone. They shouldn't be causing us problems, supposedly. What did he do?"
Ralaea 's expression falters, and she clenches her hands in front of her chest. "He just…left."
[Lena]: Left? Like, maybe he saw he was upsetting you?
[Ralaea]: …Yeah. Like that. Same expressions he used to make. Except, you know. Deader.
[Lena]: Huh.
[Lena]: Do you think… Maybe he was aiming to talk to you?
[Ralaea]: I think he was feeding. There were vrykul. I…found him by accident.
[Lena]: Oh. Oh, I see. The whole hunger thing. *Lena grimaces.*
[Lena]: I guess we've been killing them, too, but we don't… you know.
[Ralaea]: Yeah. It's not for pleasure.
Lena nods firmly.
[Lena]: But that does mean he's around. Are you gonna be okay? If you don't go out alone, at least you won't run into him alone again.
[Ralaea]: Yeah. I'll be careful. At least now I know roughly where he is. It bothered me, not knowing.
[Lena]: And if he seems to be following you around or whatever, you can talk to Ben or Paluuva. I don't think they'd take kindly to one of ours getting stalked.
[Ralaea]: No, it's…it's fine. I don't want them to know.
[Lena]: Okay, then they won't. Not from me.
[Ralaea]: It's weird to think…he could just walk right in here at any moment and everyone would be fine with that. Well. Mostly fine?
[Lena]: They wouldn't attack him, at any rate. On account of what the King said.
[Lena]: I don't know if fine would cover it, but yeah, he could walk right in here.
[Ralaea]: Well. At any rate, he's around, so be careful. I don't think he's going to try anything on anyone else, but even so.
[Lena]: I'll keep an eye out. And if he does try anything, I'm stronger than I look. In some ways.
Ralaea smiles a little. "You're a survivor."
Lena smiles back at her. "So are you, Rae."
[Ralaea]: Thanks for this, Lena. It was…hard getting my feelings in order by myself. I still don't know how I'm going to face Ben, but…I'll figure something out.
[Lena]: I know it's all hazy, but trust me - you didn't do anything you'd need to apologize for.
[Ralaea]: That's not…entirely true, but…thanks for saying so.
[Lena]: I won't say anything if you don't want. But… Ben really is a good guy. If you can talk to him, I bet he'd help, too.
[Ralaea]: I should…tell him. About the walk. If only so I can apologize. I'd feel too guilty.
[Lena]: Maybe that's easier, then. *Lena smiles.* Less secrets. I guess I'll leave you to your one-sword practice? I'm sure I've got some diagrams to practice drawing.
[Ralaea]: I uh…wasn't actually…I think I just forgot my sword in my room. I've been kind of…scattered lately.
[Lena]: Oh! Oh. *Lena's smile turns apologetic.* Then back to the inn first, maybe.
[Ralaea]: Yeah. Can't show up to squad missing gear.
[Ralaea]: Take care, Lena, and if you have anything else you want to talk about, I'm around.
[Lena]: You too, Rae. And take care.