(2022-12-24) Worthy Endeavors

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Author:	Athena
Summary:	Aszera meets with Colson to talk about the warning from the Ebon Blade, siblings, and the military. 4500-ish words.
Rating:	M for Mature 17+

Arc: Sunstrike Story

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contains mentions of death knights, alcohol, mentions of divine intervention

The afternoon business is slowly picking up in the World's End tavern in Shattrath when a familiar black-cloaked figure, Aszera Sunstrike, slinks in through the door. Her face is completely obscured by her hood, but the Broken bartender just waves at her casually as she passes. Just one of the unnecessarily cloak-and-dagger regulars, nothing to see here. She pauses to turn toward the bartender, raising one finger. He nods in understanding and turns toward the bar.

Aze makes her way to the darkest, most shadowy corner and sits, adjusting her cloak for maximum coverage and waiting. Probably for wine, but the way her hooded form is facing the bright entrance makes it clear she's also waiting for something - someone - else.

At so close to the exact time that he said he would be there that it is clear he has a watch and timed his arrival accordingly, Colson enters the World's End Tavern, dressed in his full plate looking so much like a paladin that if he wore a sign it might be less obvious. His expression is neutral and almost unreadable, but it lightens slightly when he spots Aze, as he makes his way to the shadowy corner.

"Aze. Good afternoon."

Aze keeps turned toward him as he approaches the table, and pushes back the hood slightly so that her face is barely visible. She gestures at the chair across from her. "You wanted to speak to me? I hope you haven't found out my parents are death knights too. Or if it's about something I did, it wasn't in Shattrath, so it doesn't matter. Probably." She takes a breath, and adds, "Want a drink?"

"It is nothing so dire, I assure you," Colson says gently, as he sits, unusually gracefully for a man in full plate. "I shall take a beer, if you would care for something as well. Have you been well?"

Kylene walks over at that moment with a glass of white wine. Aze takes it and says, "He'll have a beer." She tilts her head toward Colson and adds, "Whatever's on tap, I guess?"

Kylene seems to recognize Colson enough that there's a smile on her face at this order. Colson inclines his head back politely. "Thank you, Kylene." This may be a not uncommon exchange.

Kylene nods and heads back to the bar.

Aze reaches for her own glass, and then shifts the gesture to resting her hand on the table instead.

"Nothing so dire," she repeats. "So what's happened?"

"I received word from the Knight of the Ebon Blade that you may recall is an associate of y — Syarra," Colson says, his voice mild. "It was predominantly addressed to me to pass along word to you. It seems they are aware of your search for vengeance, and it was a…request that you abide by the truce with the Ebon Blade."

"The truce," Aze gives a brief laugh, resting her hand on the base of the wine glass. "I don't remember ever agreeing to it."

"Whether or not you personally identify as following your people's alliance with the Horde, I am afraid that in the eyes of the law, you will be considered as such, regardless of your loyalty," Colson says. "The leader of the Horde, and your people, have agreed to the truce. If you were to violate it, you could be legally punished, with the full strength of the law. And, importantly, the Ebon Blade would be equally justified in taking action against you."

"Wow, they get twitchy," Aze says, raising her eyebrows. "I haven't even done anything yet. Unless you count Syarra, but she provoked me. She should have known to stay the fuck away from me. And if I understand how they work, she was probably fine by the time she got back to the necropolis."

"I believe that the intent is to prevent a future incidence of another of the Ebon Blade who may not be willing to walk away if you were to attack them, and as far as I understand, Syarra has specifically made it clear that you are not to be harmed." Colson runs his forefinger along his thumb as he sets his hands on the table. "No matter how small the infraction, or whether or not you agree with it, the law is the law. I hope that this is an unnecessary cautioning, and…I am not unsympathetic to your wish for closure, however, to hold one of the Ebon Blade accountable for what was done while they were under the influence of the Lich King may not be worthwhile in itself. They were not acting with their own agency."

Kylene interrupts the conversation, returning to set a beer in front of Colson. Aze waits until she's gone to continue the conversation.

Then she sighs, salutes Colson with her wine glass, and takes a sip. "Okay, so… thank you for that block of information. Where to start? Syarra says I'm not to be harmed? Was that before or after she broke my arm? She wants everyone to be harmed, it's just what she is."

"They are not only a product of their desire for harm," Colson says, his voice gentle as he looks at his beer. "Roper is aware of his inclination, and he has minimized his potential harm of me by refusing to meet with me in person. They seem to be capable of rational thought to repress, to some degree, or control, their addiction."

"Then what does it say that she seems determined to meet with me in person," Aze says dryly. "Lack of control or lack of care? Don't answer that. Second, if I were to run into a death knight that wouldn't walk away, why do you assume I would come out the worse of it?"

"I have spoken to other Death Knights who were able to walk away from me rather easily, including one who could have used the fact that I once quite nearly destroyed him as reason to attack me," Colson says mildly. "My concern is not whether you are victorious, Aze. If you attack a member of the Ebon Blade without provocation, the Ebon Blade will be within their rights to retaliate, or demand that you are held to the law, which would reveal your nature, as well as potentially lead to some form of punishment under the law. That is my concern."

"I appreciate that you care about my well-being, Colson," Aze says, swirling the wineglass. "I mean that. I don't plan on getting caught, for anything. And anyway, I still don't know who killed her, so… there's that. As for whether they're culpable, for things they did while they were part of the Scourge… wouldn't that depend on the death knight?"

"I am truly not certain," Colson admits. "Will it change anything for you to know if the person who killed your sister was compelled to do it?"

"I don't know," Aze says, sitting back in her chair. "I don't have a face or a name. I've just been thinking of it as an abstract thing, you know?"

"And yet, on the other side is a person, flawed as they may be. I will not attempt to excuse their actions, nor will I dare say that it was not the case of a malicious cruelty, deliberately chosen. Still, I have known what it is to be compelled to harm one I would rather die than hurt, and found myself unable to resist it." Colson takes a long drink of his beer. "Such can be the nature of this type of control."

Aze's brow furrows. "You have? What happened?"

"We were fighting against the Scourge in Stratholme. One of the banshees…" Colson shrugs his right shoulder slightly. "Possessed me, and used me to attack Mordecai." Colson swallows hard. "I am less susceptible than most to such. I have the ability, if I can recognize that I am not myself, to shield myself with the divine. I was unable to do so. I attempted everything."

Colson inhales deeply, pausing for a moment. "I tried to sacrifice myself, the way a paladin is able to, and even with this, I was unable to cast it off. I hurt him. Do not underestimate how the power of the Scourge may have played a part. It may be that they would have done so regardless, however, it is also possible that given full agency, they may not have."

"That must have been terrible," Aze nods slowly. "I've had nightmares like that, but…" She pauses to take a sip of wine. "I'm glad it was temporary. And you killed the banshee, right?"

"Yes, as best we could." Colson exhales slowly. "It is difficult to truly end those of the Scourge."

"That it is," Aze sighs. "When I find her - which I will, one way or another - I'll talk to her. Then I'll find out if it matters. Is that better?"

"If it will alter what you choose to do, perhaps it would be." Colson taps the table once, gently. "I would also caution you that if you do intend to be more directly involved, that your…" Colson makes a vague, elegant gesture to indicate the demon hunter. "Condition, may be detectable in some fashion. Roper, at the least, is aware of what you are, and he has, to my knowledge, never been in direct contact with you. I cannot speak to how he learned of it, except that it was once his profession to do so, learn the secrets of others. He has stated his intent is to not reveal it, and has asked me to pass on the advice that it may be better to have prepared an explanation for your…condition, that others may find easier to believe if you will conceal it. His suggestions were, ah." Colson clears his throat. "I assume more to demonstrate the point than truly meant to be useful."

Aze gives a startled laugh. "Syarra's been talking about me with her dead little friends? I suppose I should be flattered. I hope she tells the good stories." Then she shakes her head. "It wasn't meant to work as a lie. Syarra had no idea what was going on, and I was mocking her. When I want people to believe me I usually just mumble something about it being a war injury and so far everyone's been too polite to ask for more details. If Roper figured it out, it wasn't from meeting me, because he hasn't. Maybe something Syarra said, and then he looked up the old logs in Shadowmoon or something."

"Perhaps. It seems that he considers her a friend enough to share information." Colson shrugs his right shoulder. "I assume their friendship is also why he has asked for her journal to be returned to her," Colson says gently, and his hand moves on the table slightly closer to Aze in a way that seems more like an unconscious gesture than a deliberate choice.

"Why would she want that?" Aze sets down the wineglass, her expression sharpening. "She wrote it, she should remember what's in it. Are you sure he doesn't want it for himself? If he's so interested in learning people's secrets…"

Colson lifts a hand in an open handed gesture. "If he was, he would have asked me to hand it over to him, not ask that it be returned to her, which is what he asked for." Colson's voice remains gentle. "She may simply want it back because it is hers, Aze, and she feels it to be an invasion of her privacy to have it in another's possession."

"I really don't think she'd be bothered by my reading it," Aze says, her tone serious for a moment. "At least, my sister wouldn't have. I don't fucking know what a death knight would want. I wouldn't have thought she'd care at all."

Colson shakes his head. "I do not know that it is she who even asked for it, Aze. Roper did not say so. He asked for it to be returned to her. He did not say she requested it. However, it is possible that she may feel quite differently about you possessing it now, given that you have made your feelings for her…known to be unsympathetic. In either case, it remains true that it is hers, Aze. If she wishes for you to keep it, that is her choice to make, not ours to make for her based on what she may have wanted before."

"Did he say I should give it to her in person?" Aze taps the table with one finger. "Or does he want me to just send it to the Ebon Hold and assume it ends up in the right place?"

"They do have mail. Syarra sent me a letter, and I replied to it, in Acherus with her name."

"And did they threaten me?" Aze asks, still tapping the table. "Or did they leave that unspoken for now."

"Not as such, no." Colson takes a drink, setting it down soundlessly on the table as he cushions it gently with a pinkie. "Syarra asked politely to meet with me, to address the inherent threat I have posed to her. Roper has only spoken of that Syarra does not wish you harmed, and that she does not want vengeance taken on the Death Knight involved in her death. Roper has made his position clear that he will oppose efforts for such, but that is…ambiguous for him. He may simply make it very difficult for you to act. I am not certain."

"Still unspoken, then," Aze says, moving her hand back to the wineglass. "I guess that's a good sign. This is getting a lot more complicated than I expected. I didn't think I needed to be strategic about all this, she was just a pain-eating corpse. I just wanted to avenge my sister and get on with… whatever I have to get on with." She pauses to take a long sip of wine, holding it in her mouth for a moment in thought. Then she says, "You're right, I need to be smarter about this. Don't worry, I'll talk to her. And maybe him, at some point, since he seems determined to be involved. And I won't attack either of them this time."

Colson's shoulders relax somewhat. "Thank you. I do…" Colson pauses and takes another drink. "It is complicated for me, with Roper. However, I do not wish for him to be hurt, either. Or killed. I would look on it as a personal favor to me, if you can assure me that you will not do so, unless he attacks you first, of course."

"That I can promise," Aze says. "I don't have any specific reason to go after him, unless he wants to make one."

Colson makes a non-committal noise. "The man I knew would not have, but I am afraid I am far less certain of him now. I am still learning who he is, and I confess, like you, I have struggled to see the knights of the Ebon Blade as…people, fully, in their own right, even if I can acknowledge that they are not mindless. I am attempting to do better with such, myself."

"That's not what I…" Aze shakes her head. "You'll be careful, right? The guy you knew, he's dead. Like my sister. I know some people might want to grab any chance to get a person back. Kit said something like that. But we didn't get them back, this is… they're something else."

"I am very aware," Colson says gently. "He is very like the man I knew, but he is not the same, and I am…" Colson inhales deeply, and exhales very slowly. "Painfully aware of such. The man he is may still be worth knowing, however, and that is something I have not done particularly well."

"What's your obligation?" Aze asks. "I'm in this situation because of blood, and Kit just… feels sorry for them, I guess. But why couldn't you just turn away? And please don't quote a libram at me, I'm asking you."

Colson smiles faintly. "Who I am, and what I believe, is part of that, Aze. Those librams and those tenets are not simply words to me. I have them marked on my skin for a reason. Compassion. Respect. They matter to me to embody what I am, as a servant of the Light and the vows I took to uphold those values. Beyond that, for his own sake, I…cared for him, before. He deserves better than the fate he has been dealt, and I intend to give this one as much a chance as I gave who he was before."

"Then I hope he doesn't try to take advantage of that, for your sake," She runs one hand up her arm and adds, "What's marked on my skin has a meaning, too, though it isn't words. Something to do with restraint, balance, strength of will. Aspirational, more than anything, but I try."

Colson's smile grows and his hand moves slightly on the table towards her. "I appreciate your concern, Aze." He examines Aze, even though he cannot see the tattoos. "Such things are worthy endeavors, although they are often difficult to enact. Still, that is often all we can do. Try."

"No other choice," Aze says, returning his smile with a quick flash of her own. "Though I don't recall any vows."

"I have taken many," Colson says mildly. "Some of which I will hold above all others. It is not easy to be beholden to such, although it can at times give us guidance on a path when it becomes difficult. A paladin's path is far more narrow than many think it is. My faith is what gives me power, and it is all too easy to allow conviction to turn into self-righteousness."

"I…" Aze hesitates, and drinks more wine in the meantime. "I don't know if I would have ever followed a path like that, even if things were different. I guess I've always been good at faith, but having loads of vows and restrictions…" Aze grimaces slightly. "You know, I was only ever involved in the military because of Yara. She thought it would give me a better direction, better purpose. I think it did, for a while. I was completely loyal, whatever the twists and turns, part of something bigger than myself. And now… this is what's left."

Colson smiles gently. "I became involved with the military because of Cressidha. It was her dream, and her drive, that we would join the Alliance army together, and save the world," Colson says, in a tone that seems even now simply fond, rather than chiding of the childish nature of it. "I left…for many reasons, but not insignificant among them was realizing how difficult it was to keep to my vows and my orders. Being loyal to all was slowly destroying me, unable to fulfill what I had vowed to do, and I felt more than once that I was dangerously close to violating one."

"I guess I wanted to protect Quel'Thalas, too," Aze says, tilting the wineglass. "I know that was a big motivator for Yara. And Quel'Thalas was kind of like the world to me, back then. So Cressidha joined the military ahead of you, since it was her dream?"

"No. She never did. I left first, sure that she would eventually follow. I was deemed 'ready,' as a paladin, and she was still in training as a mage. We were separated for the seven years that it took for her to complete her training to the exacting standards of her teacher, and in the end, when she was certified to join…she chose a different path." Colson moves his hands on the table to set his left over his right, his voice gentle. "I left the army, and I did not tell her. I was not sure how to explain it, or what to say. I was…rather lost, for a time, for what to follow or what I could do to honor the vows I had taken." Colson looks at Aze with a soft expression.

"I guess you must've been angry, too," Aze says, shaking her head. "Setting you on a path that wasn't right for you, and then not taking it herself."

"Not at all," Colson says, and he sounds sincere. "I respected her choice, and realized that I had a responsibility to see to my own path. I missed her terribly, and was far more worried that I would have somehow disappointed her, returning with now nothing to show for myself for the years we were apart. She contacted me, having discovered the truth. She was not disappointed." Colson smiles gently as he looks at his hands. "She was not angry, either. She accepted me back, altered as I was from the brother I had been when I left, and offered a place with her. I accepted, because it is where I belong."

"That all sounds like…" Aze trails off and shrugs. "If it works for the two of you, it works for you. But I can't imagine why she'd be disappointed or angry that you walked away from a path she picked and then decided not to follow. What was the conflict? I'd think Alliance military and paladin stuff would be pretty well aligned."

"Orders that went contrary to my beliefs," Colson says gently, not elaborating. "I left my duty, and I did not tell her. She could have very well been angry with me for that alone. I knew for six months that I was leaving, and I did not tell her. I never seemed able to find the right words." Colson reaches to finish off his beer, and sets the glass down quietly. "We were both different by then, Aze. Altered by our circumstances, and neither of us entirely who were when we left each other. We have had to get to know each other once more, as we are now, having grown so much while apart, looking on the other's choices with compassion and respect." Colson looks at Aze, with all the subtlety of a Hammer of Justice.

Aze does not seem convinced by the obvious comparison. "It's great you get along so well," she says, taking another sip of wine. "That neither of you changed past what you could accept. She seemed nice when I met her, your sister. Kind of… self-contained. But very good at picking things up."

Colson chuckles quietly. "Cressidha has ever been the more talented, adventurous, and practical of the two of us," he says, and he sounds proud of the fact. "We are twins, however. It has always been easier for us to find the other. There has never been a world for either of us where the other did not exist."

"Huh," Aze says. "Easier to find each other. Do you think that's an arcane thing? Or was that just a figure of speech?"

Colson frowns faintly as though in thought. "We have always been more aware of each other, more so than our other siblings. I am not certain precisely why, except that we are twins." Colson shrugs his right shoulder as though this is the explanation.

"Others?" Aze says in surprise, with a hint of amusement. Humans and their huge families. "How many siblings do you have?"

"We have two older brothers, both of whom are officers in the Alliance army. Our eldest brother is a Lieutenant-Commander," Colson says, with some audible pride, but this one sounds less personal than the way he spoke of Cressidha. "I never rose as high as either of our brothers, although I was a low level commander."

"I don't have any other siblings," Aze says. "But then, we live so long… our families have to be smaller. Had to be. It might be that a lot of people will aim for human-style families, the way things have gone. But anyway. I had… a bunch of different ranks in a bunch of different groups. Kept changing, you know? But I went where I was told." She sighs. "Syarra was always Quel'Thalas military. Or well, she was when I knew her. No idea how high she got promoted before the end."

"You could still find out, asking her directly," Colson says softly.

"Yes, okay, you've made your point," Aze says, setting the glass down hard enough to slosh the remaining liquid inside. "As did Kit, and Geth, and… you don't have to keep making it over and over."

"I have been told I am not the most subtle of paladins," Colson says mildly, a hint of a smile in his eyes that might be detectable in his voice, naturally serious as it is.

Aze chuckles. "It's nice. I know where I stand with you."

Colson smiles faintly, and raises his brows. "I do hope for the best for you, Aze. And I shall take your advice to heart regarding Roper, to perhaps spend more effort in learning who he is now, rather than relying on what I know of the man before, difficult as it can be at times to separate them. He is very like how he was, perhaps even more so than he might have been had he lived these past three years." Colson looks in the direction of the infirmary and his voice gets that warm, sappy sort of sound it gets when he talks about or to Mordecai. "I am not the man he knew, either, for all that I may seem similar."

"I feel like I'm pretty much the same," Aze says automatically, and then gives a brief laugh. "Wait, no, that's a lie. People I knew before don't even recognize me right off anymore. And then there's all the… yeah, I guess you're right. I'm not who I was ten years ago, either. Time changes us all, one way or another."

"The darkest point of my life was followed by the brightest. The time when I was most lost, followed by the time when I have never felt more certain of my place and my path." Colson's hand moves again on the table, as he gently taps it once. "Change, even for the worse, does not determine the rest of our fates. There is always reason to hope it shall change once more, for the far better."

"I don't really imagine that kind of turn around will be in my future, Colson, but it's a nice thought," Aze says, pushing a hand slightly toward him on the table, reflecting back his earlier body language. "But anyway, I'm here, and I'm trying to make the best of things. And who knows? Maybe time will prove me wrong on this one."

Colson smiles at something through the walls of the tavern, in the direction of the infirmary, and there is some audible happiness and genuine belief in his voice. "There truly is only one way to find out. We keep walking forward."