(2022-03-07) 7 March

Details

Author:	Jessa
Summary:	Ismene worries. About everything.
Rating:	T for Teen

Chain: Ismene's Journal

Ben has gone through the portal to speak with L&L F.

I could have gone with him, I suppose, but to say they're still short of healers here is to do a disservice to the need. More healers have arrived now that two-way travel is possible, but as a new one arrives, a healer more experienced with this odd place is dispatched to some far outpost that has urgent need. It is beyond odd that I am now one of the more senior healers at Honor Hold.

There is also a sweet boy here now, Mordecai Harbrooke, who will likely be staying. He arrived scant days after I did. He rarely speaks, but he is quite good and I find him a welcome companion when we have shifts together. I wonder if he would speak more, should I see him outside the infirmary. I hear he is recently affianced. Surely that topic of conversation will be a pleasant one to raise.

I am given leave to remain here as well, as a married woman. Ben seems relieved, so I do not protest the privilege though it rankles. I am still capable, am I not? Have I not proven myself in battle situations?

Now I worry that I haven't, or that I've done a poor job and so it is quietly agreed that I do best behind the lines. I don't scorn the position! I am barely able to find a few moments to snatch a drink of water before more injured are brought in. I suppose I just want to be seen as a capable and competent healer, no matter the circumstance.

As I said, though, Ben seems happier knowing I'm both needed here and relatively safe. Safer than I'd be at one of said far-flung outposts, at least. I suppose I'd be safer in Shattrath, but I can't say I like the city, despite the presence of the Naaru. There is something quite callous in a wonderous place that leaves homeless people sobbing and moaning on its front step. Why it seems so much worse than the beggars in Stormwind, I couldn't say. Perhaps because the SW beggars are so familiar, I ignore them much as these people are ignored. Perhaps because I still feel adrift here, and so many of the homeless are human that I want to cling to them and care for them.

Perhaps all this worry is simply to distract myself from imagining the conversation between Ben and L&L F.

Will they be angry? Perhaps not E, but N has a fierce temper. Ben says they'll accept it in time, and assures me they care for me. I believe this too, but it will be difficult for both of us if they are displeased. I suspect that E will not be long displeased after he meets my parents. They are so disagreeable, I feel certain he'll thank us for sparing him the difficulty of negotiating with them!

He did seem to look forward to it, I recall. I wonder if we can convince him to break the news to my family. I wonder if they'll find out, though I can't imagine how. H, perhaps? She doesn't seem the type to gossip, but she might mention it to her family and they'd be sure to congratulate my parents. I cannot remember if I asked her not to mention it.

Now I'm worried about that, too.

I am definitely not going back to Azeroth any time soon.