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Cerelar,
Many seasons have come and gone since I wrote to you last, such that I am no longer certain how I should address you. Perhaps it matters not, as this letter will never reach your hand. I have been thinking about you of late. I did love you. In some ways, I always will. Still, ours was never the love described in poetry and song. I wish one of us had realized that sooner.
After my sister fell in love, she told me it was a thing I would know, deep in my heart. A certainty that this was right and I was where I was meant to be. But then, she had always been easily swayed by the emotions inspired by others. Charismatic leaders, who can turn their followers from the tears and rage of a sister, a daughter. She made her choices and I made mine. I can forgive myself for not believing her about love.
I believe her now. I knew him first as a child long ago, and then in letters. But when I saw him, I knew him instantly. It felt… like the force that binds us to this planet. I could no more have walked away from him than I could fly. When he touched me, kissed me, it felt as though I were waking up after a long dream. Perhaps I have simply lost my mind, and none of this is real. Yet it feels more real than anything I have felt in centuries.
Over the next few weeks There are some things I should not write to an ex-lover, even in a letter I will not send. I can simply say that I am sorry we did not share such a love, Cerelar, but I am not sorry I have found it now. I hope you will find it as well.
Do the two of you know each other? It seems likely, so I have not told Caspis your name. You never spoke much to me of your work with the Circle, though I know it must have been important. Important enough to abandon me with our firstborn, and yet you still had the gall to criticize how I raised her. I admit now that I made mistakes, but perhaps it would have been better if we had made them together. I wish I knew her better now, but wishes do not unmake the past. There is still time—perhaps she and I will grow back together. You will not, as she does not even know you.
And Celaven. You know he needs you, even now? He did not turn away from you, when he began to follow Elune. I learned that with Cellara. A child choosing their own path does not mean they are rejecting yours. You have not run out of time with him yet, but he will not yearn for a father forever.
Was it the War of the Shifting Sands that kept you from confiding in me? It must have happened just before we met. I know about that now, from Caspis. And I am learning about the druids of the pack, with their connection to the scythe. I know these are druid matters, but he trusts me with them. And you trusted Staghelm, I suppose. I wonder if you still do.
Anareline Evensong