(2021-06-14) Anareline's Unsent Letters, Letter 3

Details

Author:	Alli
Summary:	An unsent letter to her daughter, Cellara.
Rating:	T for Teen

Chain: Anareline's Unsent Letters

Cellara,

I am in Ashenvale, but have not yet seen you. This is probably for the best. I am confident that I would have been informed, had you died at Mount Hyjal. Thus, I assume you are well. I do not think you want to see your mother, and you have not needed to see me since you were a girl. I trust you to fight your own battles.

I did see familiar faces in Astranaar. Several of the women I have taught, who seemed pleased to see me again? I pretended I was there to visit them, as if I had not intentionally stopped contacting them years ago. Of course, they insisted on telling me the names I would know, of all those who died in that battle. Each name, a drop into a pool that is already too deep and wide. I was happier not knowing.

However, I have been forced to reconsider some things about myself, and I believe, at least in some of our arguments, that your position may not have been entirely wrong. Your fight at Mount Hyjal was necessary and noble. Their lives were not wasted. It is the fault of your ancestors that the Legion has targeted this world, and I regret that — despite all our efforts — we were not able to put a permanent end to that threat. I am sorry that my old fight has now become yours, but I am proud of what you have done to answer it.

I spoke briefly to a human paladin while I was in Darkshore, a young man who seemed somewhat damaged by the experience. He held our people in such high regard, even though I may not have treated him entirely with kindness. He was very calm and kind, though, and did not react angrily to any of my words. If he is representative of those of other races with whom you fought, then I can see the value in them.

I still will not be a Sentinel, but I am left with the uncomfortable sense that I should have done something. This is perhaps the feeling that I have been trying to avoid. War demands us to offer ourselves as a sacrifice, over and over, until that sacrifice is accepted. The old war left me less than the woman I was before, and I do not want to give any more of myself in that way. Why can I not be finished? Why can it not be enough? I know you do not have answers to these questions, and would probably tell me that it is simply selfishness. I will try to find a way that I can be willing to help. It will not be your way, but perhaps you will think better of your mother, once I find it.

Anareline Evensong